Kent/Feldspar

[videointhenoise]

"Just once more," they had said when Ellie's team petitioned for it. She was busy with Palmer, falling in love with science while he fell in love with God, and Kent was left to pick up the pieces. He wanted another damn go at it. The Machine had a pricetag in the billions; it was begging to be used again.

But they wouldn't let Ellie go. They wouldn't let just anyone go. They wanted someone who knew how it worked, who had been there from the beginning, but someone who isn't completely taken in by Ellie's words.

That leads them to a dozen people and they end up with Kent. He's blind, but that's not what decides it. They claim that he wouldn't hallucinate the way Ellie did. That he has a unique perspective.

And, he's already proven himself steady and loyal.

He experiences it all the way that Ellie does, but something goes wrong on the other end. Maybe another terrorist attack. Maybe not. All he knows is that he's in the sphere and then, suddenly, he's floating, unable to find his footing until a great crash and he slams into the bottom of the machine.

He groans, pulling his helmet on with a grunt and a wince.

"Fuck this," he mutters, finding the edge of the sphere with his hands. There was a door there somewhere. He just - has to find it.

Comments

[getfeldsparred]

Feldspar feels a bit of tension release when they spot their family. It’s a word that they’ve grown to love since Kent introduced it to them, and as they take Kent’s hand and smile at Lapis the knot in their stomach grows tighter.

“Hey,” they murmur. “I think the whole village is here.”

[videointhenoise]

"I think it is," he agrees. "But they're all here to make sure you don't burn the place down." He squeezes their hands and presses a kiss to their cheek. "I'll hold you soon," he promises.

[getfeldsparred]

They chuckle and lean into the kiss, turning their head slightly to catch his lips. “Real soon, yeah.”

Lapis gets a little squeeze, Hal a little pat on the head. Gossan gives Feldspar a squeeze to the arm and Slate gives Feldspar an affectionate knock to the head. “Your fans await, Felds,” Slate says, gesturing towards a few of the younger villagers.

Feldspar takes a deep breath in, then steps onto the elevator platform and raises their hand in a wave. “I’ll see all of you again real soon! But in the meantime, I’m going to tangle with some cyclones! Don’t tell Hornfels!”

The crowd laughs and cheers, and Feldspar hits the launch codes into the pad with one final look at Lapis and Kent. “I’ll bring you back something nice, Lapis!”

[videointhenoise]

Lapis waves and Kent slides an arm around their shoulders. The thrusters ignite and Kent lets out a breath. He can't breathe in again until Slate gives the all clear. Until they get past the atmosphere.

[getfeldsparred]

Feldspar immediately feels the pressure melt off of them the moment they slide into the cockpit. They’ve got this. This is where they belong.

Once they’re free from gravity, piercing through the clouds and leaving behind the pleasant air of Timber Hearth, Feldspar exhales softly and guides their ship towards the lunar outpost. Gotta say hello to Esker.

[videointhenoise]

Kent does as he always does. He stays on the radio and he fiddles with the settings, checking in with them when he can and going on his life on the surface as usual.

There really is no reason to worry. Until, of course, Slate mentions offhand that Feldspar hadn't checked in yet one evening.

And then Kent can't find them on the radio.

And they don't check in again.

And the world keeps spinning but Kent spends his time attached to the radio.

[getfeldsparred]

Their trip to Giant’s Deep is a complete success. When their ship plunged through the barrier at the center of the massive, oceanic planet, they knew they’d be chasing that high forever. And Hornfels said to stop riding the cyclones! Pfft. If they’d had done that they would have never made it down to the core! And then crawling into the jellyfish and watching the bolts of electricity strike the rubbery exterior as they drift down further and further into the water - definitely a height of their career in exploration.

They’d camped out later that night on an island that was more ghostmatter than land and thought about what to do next. Roasting a mallow and dreaming about the planets in the solar system, they daydreamed about their next challenge. The idea to finally pass that ice field of the Dark Bramble hits them like a floating island crashing into the waves. Yes, that’s exactly what they were going to do, they were going to be the first to explore the Dark Bramble.

No one had ever been past the ice field, let alone driven into the fog. Gossan tried once, but quickly gave up when they realized the Dark Bramble was just too inhospitable to explore, let alone make a camp. But Gossan is Gossan, and Feldspar is Feldspar, and they figured that at the very least could zip in and have a look around.

It was exciting. Their hands shook as they quickly packed up their camp and went back to their ship. Just a little fly through, and then they’ll find a place to make camp and call down to Ground Control and report in. Everyone would be alright if they skipped the check in this time - they’ve done it before and everyone seemed to understand then that sometimes they got caught up in the outer wilds. They wouldn’t do it on purpose to worry them.

It hadn’t dawned on them that they’d made a mistake until they heard the roar of the giant anglerfish they’d woken up. Even then, they swore they could out maneuver the thing, even if the giant vines and weird, inter dimensional portals and thick fog made for the trickiest flight of their life. They twisted and turned and looped their ship round and round, thinking they’d escaped it when they hopped from one portal to the next, only for the roar to follow. It clipped their ship and the crash that followed was violent enough that their helmet cracked and they could feel blood pooling in their spacesuit.

It was a mad dash after that to gather up supplies and evacuate the sparking ship before it exploded. They found a hollow vine and taped up their helmet the best they could, then tried to radio back home.

The static that greeted them was deafening.

[videointhenoise]

It takes weeks before Kent can be convinced to leave the radio. It takes days again before he can be convinced to go back to the home he had shared with Feldspar for so long. It's Lapis who takes his hand and leads him home. Lapis who makes him eat and brings him to bed. Lapis who has to be the one to take care of his Dad.

The entire village mourns the loss of Feldspar, though most do it quietly, out of earshot of Kent. They know what he's lost.

He doesn't sleep in their bed. He sleeps on the couch and lets Lapis take the bed. He doesn't cook in the kitchen; Hal and Lapis cook. Kent doesn't even feel like he can breathe again until it's been a year and the grief feels less immense.

He starts to work with the others again, eventually bringing Lapis and Hal into their work. His kid, his Hatchling, becomes more and more fascinated with the Nomai and they work on the language together. They create a primer and, before Kent realizes it, they're all grown up.

Ready to fly.

[getfeldsparred]

Their supplies officially run out after the second year, or at least what they think is the second year. Time’s a difficult thing when you stop seeing the light of day, and there’s definitely something strange about the passage of time in the belly of the Dark Bramble. The emergency trees give off enough oxygen that they’re able to survive despite the massive crack in their helmet, and with a bit of creativity they find they can scrounge up enough water and food-like material to live.

After the third year they stop counting the days they’ve been stranded or fiddling with the radio in the hopes they’ll break through the static. The device sits at the edge of their camp like a mute companion, and occasionally, a target for their pinecones.

After they stop counting the years they know they’re going to die here, alone and forgotten. They sobbed bitterly at the beginning, yelled and screamed and laughed, but now there’s only resignation. They miss Kent and Lapis every day, their friends and the villagers who raised and cared for them, and thinking of them hurts so much, but it reminds them that they’re still alive.

They wish they were brave enough to kill themselves.

They play the harmonica almost constantly when they’re not sleeping, the only thing that keeps them from going completely insane. And they wait, and wait, and wait for the end that feels like it’ll never come.

[videointhenoise]

Kent doesn't want Lapis to go.

But the space program didn't stop after Feldspar disappeared. The Heartheans were determined to continue their exploration and if Lapis was going to figure out the mystery of the Nomai, then they would need to leave.

But they act strangely the day of their launch. Kent expected them to come say goodbye, but they didn't. Instead, they came to him with a plan. They babbled about time loops. They told him that there was a Stranger nearby. They told him that the sun was going to end.

They told him that they had found Feldspar.

They had gone to the Dark Bramble after hearing his harmonica. They had flown right into it and used the soundscope to pinpoint their location.

They had landed there, in the trees.

[getfeldsparred]

Feldspar doesn’t remember the first time the hatchling - their hatchling - comes flying into the mouth of the anglerfish they’d made their camp in. They’d been surprised to see them, impressed even; they’d grown so much, and to make it this far into the Dark Bramble without blowing up is quite the feat. They’d listened to Lapis’ stories and encouraged more and more, helping them get into the center of Giant’s Deep or work their signalscope in the depths of the Bramble. And they tell their story, falling into old habits as they make the whole saga of their crash landing exciting and interesting.

“Tell me about Kent,” they eventually say, sitting close to Lapis next to the fire, not realizing they’ll say the same thing over and over again each time the hatchling visits.

“Should I tell Ground Control you’re here?”

Feldspar looks at their gloved hands, the crackling fire, the wall of teeth around their camp. They’re afraid to go home. They’re afraid to let everyone see them afraid, especially the hatchling.

“Take your time. It’s kinda peaceful here.”

It’s the same over and over again. Occasionally the hatchling visits their camp and they’re just as overjoyed to see them as the first time they’d been. Sometimes the hatchling stays with them until the heat comes and takes them, but most of the time they die alone. And they don’t remember a single thing.

[videointhenoise]

Kent listens to Lapis and he tries, he wants, to believe, but it isn't until they finish their story about Feldspar that Kent finally hears them.

They have a plan. They have a plan and they have to get everyone together.

"Ten minutes?!" Kent protests, but Lapis just grins.

"You've done it before, Dad. You can do it again. I promise."

And then they're gone and Kent is left just standing there, breathing out once.

Twice.

It's too much to take in. But he can do something. "Slate!" he calls out and the Hearthean is there in a moment, grabbing onto his arm, asking him what he needs. He doesn't question Kent's tone. He doesn't question his sanity.

There is Something to do and they're going to do it.

[getfeldsparred]

Feldspar’s playing their song when the sound of a Hearthian lander makes its way into the Bramble. They lift their head up and marvel as the lander, completely foreign to anything they’ve seen before, touches down onto the outskirts of their camp. They stand as the sound of a Nomai beam lowers down the pilot, and a lanky, slouchy kind of astronaut hops their way.

“Feldspar!”

“Gabbro?”

“Yeah, it’s me. Hey, we don’t have a lot of time. I got stuck on a vine the last loop, but I think I can do it this time.”

“What…what do you mean? You’re the first Hearthian to ever come here-”

“Besides me,” finishes Gabbro. “Yeah, you say so every time. Just come on, we’ve gotta go. I’ll explain on the way.”

Gabbro grabs their arm and starts to tug, Feldspar naturally following into step. It’s the confidence, they think, or maybe just the sheer surprise at being found after all these years. Or maybe they just want to see these new ships, because clearly Slate’s upped their game these last few years.

“Hey, just hold on, alright? It’s gonna get bumpy,” Gabbro warns, strapping themselves into the seat. A seatbelt? Gossan must have finally gotten into Slate’s head.

“The anglerfish,” they start to say, but Gabbro shushes them.

“There’s one in the next space, one on our way out. I’m gonna blast through this portal and we’ll drift past ‘em all. Just be quiet, Feldspar.”

“So that’s the trick,” they mutter. That would have been good to know while they were being chased.

[videointhenoise]

Everyone gets to pack one or two personal items and then the race begins. Chert arrives first, piling everyone onto their ship to follow the coordinates that Lapis sent to them. Riebeck is next, doing exactly the same. Eskar timidly brings a ship that Slate immediately takes over, and then it's just Kent and Hal and Gneiss with some of the Hatchlings.

Lapis comes for them, then, ushering them onto the ship and onto the floor. "Just hang on, Dad," they tell him as he holds a few of the younger hatchlings close. They begin to cry and Kent shushes them softly. "It's alright," he assures them, but one of them points at the window.

"Kent. The sun looks sick," they say in a tiny voice and Kent shakes his head. "We're going somewhere safe. Don't worry."

"That's right," Lapis assures them as they race off.

[getfeldsparred]

For the first time in years, Feldspar leaves the confines of the Dark Bramble and sees the stars. Gabbro pilots them through the ice field like they’ve done it a hundred times over and then they’re free of it, free from the fog and anglerfish and the thorny vines. Feldspar shivers and wraps their arms around themselves, rubbing their skin through their tattered flight suit. They’re not entirely sure that any of this is real.

Gabbro turns the ship and Feldspar catches sight of an enormous, angry-red sun. They see the ball of green and blue that’s Timber Hearth, but Gabbro keeps turning the ship and heading towards the void of space.

“W-where are we going? Are we not going home?”

“Catch sight of the sun there?” Gabbro asks, still gunning the ship towards the nothingness ahead of him.

“Yeah, yeah, I did…” they say, standing up once they realize all the stars are suddenly gone.

“Going supernova. Exploding the entire solar system. But Lapis found a ship that’ll take us all out of range of the explosion, so that’s where we’re going.”

“Where’s this ship?”

“Riiiiiight in front of us,” Gabbro answers, and Feldspar can hear the smirk underneath helmet.

The ship appears out of the darkness so quickly that Feldspar gasps.

“Yeah, don’t worry, it’s abandoned. Sort’ve. We’ll see, I guess. Lapis says it’s safe. Kind’ve a mess, but habitable.”

“Lapis…”

Feldspar falls silent as Gabbro turns the ship to land in a very small docking port, surprised when they see among the alien ships two other Hearthian landers similar to Gabbro’s.

[videointhenoise]

The sun is barely a dot in the sky as Gneiss turns and presses their hand against the glass to watch it.

"Everything we have ever known," they say and Kent reaches out and finds their hands.

He knows. They're sitting on the floor with one small bag of belongings, and Kent is the only one, aside from Lapis, apparently, who knows how it feels to lose everything.

Lapis doesn't talk as they fly, and Kent notices just how...grown up they seem. Like they've lived through lifetimes. Like everything they've ever known had been...lost.

And his heart pounds. If what they say is true, then the universe is dying. If what they say is true, then Feldspar has been out there, alone for years. If what they say is true, Kent doesn't know what to think.

The trip is only a few minutes, but he hears the collective gasp of the others.

"It came out of nowhere!" Mica exclaims and Kent waits.

"The ship was cloaked," Lapis explains calmly as they land. The last ones. "There's air in the docking bay. And gravity. So...careful."

[getfeldsparred]

Gabbro hops out of the hatch and waits expectantly for Feldspar to follow, but they freeze in place. They can’t.

They can’t.

If everyone is there, that means the entire village is inside. Gossan, Slate, Hornfels, Esker.

Lapis.

Kent.

Feldspar grips the netting above them that holds Gabbros supplies and shakes their head. They can’t go out there. If Kent and Lapis are out there, they can’t see them like this. They can’t see them so wretched and broken and absolutely terrified; they’re not the person they all once knew. They’re not the brave and strong explorer of the stars, they’re not anyone’s hero.

Gabbro seems to understand that they’re quaking in their suit, overwhelmed by everything and afraid. “Hey,” they say, coming closer. Another lander touches down beside theirs. “Hey, it’s fine. We’ll wait until all the others are inside, then I’ll sneak you in. It’s okay, really.”

Feldspar is immensely grateful, but they don’t stop gripping the netting above, almost as though they’re still worried that Gabbro might come and take them by force. Thankfully, even though they haven’t removed their helmet yet, Gabbro seems to get it. They don’t come any closer, but they do wave to some of the others who’d just gotten off of a nearby ship.

“Just through the doors up there! Use your flashlights, it’ll move the turnstiles,” they call out to them. They’re met with the sounds of excited hatchlings, too awed by everything to realize the gravity of their situation.

Feldspar can hear Gabbro talking to someone else, but they don’t recognize the voice. They catch snippets of their conversation. “-everyone accounted for. It was dicey there for a minute, but we pulled through.”

“Alright. I gave Chert, Riebeck, Esker, Gossan and Kent the instructions for where to go once they’re inside. The dam will have broken, so the danger’s passed, but we’ll be stuck on the reservoir until we can regroup.”

“And the-?”

“The warp core? On my ship.”

“Woah.”

“Yeah…yeah. We made this one count.”

“That’s heavy. So when the sun goes…”

“The loop ends. That’s it, no do-overs.”

Gabbro clicks their tongue. “Goodbye solar system.”

“Goodbye home,” the voice says with a grim chuckle. “I’m gonna head inside and get everyone acquainted with the place. I…I didn’t tell Gossan, Slate, Esker, and Hornfels about them. Not yet. There was just too much.”

“It’s alright, buddy. Go and take care of everyone. I’ve got this.”

“Thanks, Gabbro.” The voice seems to turn away, calling out, “Dad, this way!”

Feldspar’s stomach flips as they realize they know exactly who the mystery voice belonged to. It’s Lapis, their hatchling, and Dad is -

They feel sick.

[videointhenoise]

Kent takes Lapis' hand and lets them guide him inside where he hears -

"Is that water?" he wonders softly, holding fast to them. The gravity is close but not entirely the same, and Kent feels the pull of it against his feet as he walks. "What is this place?"

"Come on, Dad. Just - follow me, okay? We're going to tell everyone together."

"What about - "

"Later, Dad. Okay? Please just trust me?"

Kent just nods. "Alright, Lapis. I trust you." Even though, last night, he had sat with Lapis as they curled up under the stars. Even though, last night, he had told him stories like he did as a child.

He can trust him now to be an adult.

Lapis gathers everyone to the reservoir and stands up on a box. "Alright. I know that a lot's happened and uh...we're going to do our best to explain, okay?"

And so they explain. They talk about the Nomai and how they had a plan to find the Eye of the Universe. How it involved the sun. How they went back in time, looping again and again, for thousands of years. How the sun went supernova. Just information upon information.

The other Heartheans break into excited, worried, and grieving chatter.

Kent takes his hatchling and he wraps his arms around them. "I'm so sorry," he mutters. "You've been so brave and you shouldn't have had to do it alone."

[getfeldsparred]

Feldspar waits for a long while in Gabbro’s ship, long enough that Gabbro themselves comes back in and sits down on the floor next to the hatch. They pull off their helmet with a low hissing noise, and for the first time Feldspar can see just how many years passed. Gabbro had just had their wine sap ceremony when they left, and now they’re a full-blown adult, ears slightly drooping and all.

“That crack in your helmet,” they say casually, “is that why you could leave your camp.”

Feldspar slowly nods and comes to sit down beside him. They’re still looking at everything through that cracked helmet, afraid of what they’ll look like when they take it off.

“It was a bad crash. I patched up what I could and it lasted a bit, but it couldn’t hold forever.”

Gabbro nods quietly. “How’d you survive? You didn’t have any supplies left.”

Feldspar grimaces. “Well, ha, funny story, there are these centipede things…”

“Oof.”

“Yeah,” they mutter, shaking their head. “Yeah.”

“You felt like skin and bones when I pulled you onto the ship. There’s artificial gravity here…can you stand?”

“Maybe,” Feldspar shrugs. “But probably not for very long. I just…I can’t be seen yet.”

“I gotcha. Let me just check something real quick and I’ll come up with a plan.”

While Gabbro runs off Feldspar has a little time to sit and think about their predicament. They never thought this day would come, and now that it’s here they can’t stand being seen again. What would they all say if they saw him? What would Kent say, Lapis? They’d let them down, and for what? For one more thrill?

Gabbro returns, and this time it’s with a companion.

“Esker.”

Esker’s head appears first as they float on up, followed by the rest of their body.

“I had to see it for myself,” they say, pulling off their hat and kneeling next to them. There are tears running down their cheeks from all four eyes. “Feldspar. I can’t believe you’re alive. Stars, we’d buried you, we made a tombstone for you and all…”

Esker goes to give Feldspar a hug, but Gabbro’s hand stops them. “They’re real fragile, Esker.”

Their old friend sits down beside them, shoulder to shoulder, and asks some very gentle questions. So gentle that Feldspar finds themselves answering without thought, giving Esker the awful truth of their predicament and how they’d expected to die alone. Esker listens, eyes still watery, but tries to keep the tears to themselves for what Feldspar can only assume is for their sake.

“Well, buddy,” Esker finally says, “Gabbro here tells me there’s a room we can take you to for recovery. No one has to see you yet.”

“Thank you,” Feldspar exhales.

“But…we’re going to tell Kent and Lapis. They have the right to know.”

Feldspar sucks in a sharp breath. “When I’m settled and Gneiss is able to see me first. I’m…I smell awful. Seriously, you don’t want to get too close. And I’m gonna need Gneiss to check me over.”

Esker laughs quietly. “Sure, sure. That’s not too much to ask.”

And true to their word, Esker and Gabbro haul Feldspar up to their feet and quietly usher them inside the vessel, slinking underneath the crowds of Hearthians either sitting numbly in shock or outwardly crying. It hurts Feldspar’s heart.

[videointhenoise]

Kent holds Lapis for a long while until Lapis pulls back and cups his face. "It's okay, Dad. I'm okay now. We're - everything is weird, but we're all together. And that's as far as I've ever gotten."

Esker and Gabbro come and find Kent later where he's been sitting. "Hey Kent," Gabbro says and Kent smiles sadly at the familiar voice.

"Hey kid."

"We - uh. We've got something to show you."

Kent hadn't forgotten about Feldspar, but he assumed that something had happened. Maybe Lapis had been wrong. Maybe they'd been unable to get him. Maybe - a thousand different maybes. He doesn't know.

But he isn't thinking of that as he stands up to follow, Gabbro taking his arm and leading him over the unfamiliar terrain.

[getfeldsparred]

Gneiss doesn’t flinch when they remove Feldspar’s helmet, they don’t gag or wince when peeling them out of their flight suit and bathing them, they don’t cry as they slide the clean shirt over their head and stare as it hangs off of them like drapes. But they do embrace Feldspar, who stares vacantly at the dark shadows in the corner of the room and raises a hand for an exhausted touch to their shoulder. It’s all they can manage.

They lie down on the soft blanket Gneiss spread on the floor for them and sleep fretfully, listening as Gneiss quietly speaks to Esker about the resources they were able to bring.

“…some medicines, seeds to grow herbs. I didn’t realize they’d be here…”

“No one really thought they were alive,” comes Esker’s voice. “Except Kent and Lapis, anyway.”

They sleep for a while after that, rousing when they hear a soft knock at the door. Gneiss stops playing their banjo and rises to slide open the door. “Come in. They’re awake.”

[videointhenoise]

"It's Feldspar," Gabbro says softly. "They're just behind the door and - they're real rough, Kent. Like...years of starving and living by themselves rough."

Kent nods and Lapis takes Gabbro's hand briefly. "Hey, I can - come back later, okay? Dad needs to be by himself for it."

Gabbro nods and they open the door and Kent smells the sharp tang of antiseptic along with herbs he knows are meant for healing. He steps open and Gneiss reaches out for his hand, squeezing it hard.

"Felds?" he asks, swallowing hard.

[getfeldsparred]

Gneiss gets them upright and goes to greet Kent, bringing him down to where Feldspar is sitting on the floor. They put Kent’s hand into Feldspar’s, squeezing gently before sitting back. “I’ll be just by the door.”

Feldspar’s mouth goes dry at the sight of him. The light is dim, but they can see the grays in his hair, the stubble on his face, the lines around his eyes and mouth. He’s gotten older, but he’s no less beautiful.

“Kent.” Their voice is a harsh whisper, caught in his throat and struggling to escape. “It’s…me.”

[videointhenoise]

He kneels down and is grateful for Gneiss for giving them privacy. He takes their hand, his fingers trembling as he struggles with feelings he doesn't quite understand. He buried Feldspar. They had a funeral.

He shudders at how fragile they feel, how skeletal their hand is. "I know," he says and the tears fall freely from his eyes.

[getfeldsparred]

The pads of Feldspar’s fingers find Kent’s cheeks, catching the tears on one side as they fall.

Kent’s real. This is really real. It’s not a hallucination - there’d been times they thought Kent was there with them - but Kent actually in front of them now.

“Not what I imagined our reunion would be. The ship’s a surprise.”