Kent/Feldspar

[videointhenoise]

"Just once more," they had said when Ellie's team petitioned for it. She was busy with Palmer, falling in love with science while he fell in love with God, and Kent was left to pick up the pieces. He wanted another damn go at it. The Machine had a pricetag in the billions; it was begging to be used again.

But they wouldn't let Ellie go. They wouldn't let just anyone go. They wanted someone who knew how it worked, who had been there from the beginning, but someone who isn't completely taken in by Ellie's words.

That leads them to a dozen people and they end up with Kent. He's blind, but that's not what decides it. They claim that he wouldn't hallucinate the way Ellie did. That he has a unique perspective.

And, he's already proven himself steady and loyal.

He experiences it all the way that Ellie does, but something goes wrong on the other end. Maybe another terrorist attack. Maybe not. All he knows is that he's in the sphere and then, suddenly, he's floating, unable to find his footing until a great crash and he slams into the bottom of the machine.

He groans, pulling his helmet on with a grunt and a wince.

"Fuck this," he mutters, finding the edge of the sphere with his hands. There was a door there somewhere. He just - has to find it.

Comments

[videointhenoise]

The sun is barely a dot in the sky as Gneiss turns and presses their hand against the glass to watch it.

"Everything we have ever known," they say and Kent reaches out and finds their hands.

He knows. They're sitting on the floor with one small bag of belongings, and Kent is the only one, aside from Lapis, apparently, who knows how it feels to lose everything.

Lapis doesn't talk as they fly, and Kent notices just how...grown up they seem. Like they've lived through lifetimes. Like everything they've ever known had been...lost.

And his heart pounds. If what they say is true, then the universe is dying. If what they say is true, then Feldspar has been out there, alone for years. If what they say is true, Kent doesn't know what to think.

The trip is only a few minutes, but he hears the collective gasp of the others.

"It came out of nowhere!" Mica exclaims and Kent waits.

"The ship was cloaked," Lapis explains calmly as they land. The last ones. "There's air in the docking bay. And gravity. So...careful."

[getfeldsparred]

Gabbro hops out of the hatch and waits expectantly for Feldspar to follow, but they freeze in place. They can’t.

They can’t.

If everyone is there, that means the entire village is inside. Gossan, Slate, Hornfels, Esker.

Lapis.

Kent.

Feldspar grips the netting above them that holds Gabbros supplies and shakes their head. They can’t go out there. If Kent and Lapis are out there, they can’t see them like this. They can’t see them so wretched and broken and absolutely terrified; they’re not the person they all once knew. They’re not the brave and strong explorer of the stars, they’re not anyone’s hero.

Gabbro seems to understand that they’re quaking in their suit, overwhelmed by everything and afraid. “Hey,” they say, coming closer. Another lander touches down beside theirs. “Hey, it’s fine. We’ll wait until all the others are inside, then I’ll sneak you in. It’s okay, really.”

Feldspar is immensely grateful, but they don’t stop gripping the netting above, almost as though they’re still worried that Gabbro might come and take them by force. Thankfully, even though they haven’t removed their helmet yet, Gabbro seems to get it. They don’t come any closer, but they do wave to some of the others who’d just gotten off of a nearby ship.

“Just through the doors up there! Use your flashlights, it’ll move the turnstiles,” they call out to them. They’re met with the sounds of excited hatchlings, too awed by everything to realize the gravity of their situation.

Feldspar can hear Gabbro talking to someone else, but they don’t recognize the voice. They catch snippets of their conversation. “-everyone accounted for. It was dicey there for a minute, but we pulled through.”

“Alright. I gave Chert, Riebeck, Esker, Gossan and Kent the instructions for where to go once they’re inside. The dam will have broken, so the danger’s passed, but we’ll be stuck on the reservoir until we can regroup.”

“And the-?”

“The warp core? On my ship.”

“Woah.”

“Yeah…yeah. We made this one count.”

“That’s heavy. So when the sun goes…”

“The loop ends. That’s it, no do-overs.”

Gabbro clicks their tongue. “Goodbye solar system.”

“Goodbye home,” the voice says with a grim chuckle. “I’m gonna head inside and get everyone acquainted with the place. I…I didn’t tell Gossan, Slate, Esker, and Hornfels about them. Not yet. There was just too much.”

“It’s alright, buddy. Go and take care of everyone. I’ve got this.”

“Thanks, Gabbro.” The voice seems to turn away, calling out, “Dad, this way!”

Feldspar’s stomach flips as they realize they know exactly who the mystery voice belonged to. It’s Lapis, their hatchling, and Dad is -

They feel sick.

[videointhenoise]

Kent takes Lapis' hand and lets them guide him inside where he hears -

"Is that water?" he wonders softly, holding fast to them. The gravity is close but not entirely the same, and Kent feels the pull of it against his feet as he walks. "What is this place?"

"Come on, Dad. Just - follow me, okay? We're going to tell everyone together."

"What about - "

"Later, Dad. Okay? Please just trust me?"

Kent just nods. "Alright, Lapis. I trust you." Even though, last night, he had sat with Lapis as they curled up under the stars. Even though, last night, he had told him stories like he did as a child.

He can trust him now to be an adult.

Lapis gathers everyone to the reservoir and stands up on a box. "Alright. I know that a lot's happened and uh...we're going to do our best to explain, okay?"

And so they explain. They talk about the Nomai and how they had a plan to find the Eye of the Universe. How it involved the sun. How they went back in time, looping again and again, for thousands of years. How the sun went supernova. Just information upon information.

The other Heartheans break into excited, worried, and grieving chatter.

Kent takes his hatchling and he wraps his arms around them. "I'm so sorry," he mutters. "You've been so brave and you shouldn't have had to do it alone."

[getfeldsparred]

Feldspar waits for a long while in Gabbro’s ship, long enough that Gabbro themselves comes back in and sits down on the floor next to the hatch. They pull off their helmet with a low hissing noise, and for the first time Feldspar can see just how many years passed. Gabbro had just had their wine sap ceremony when they left, and now they’re a full-blown adult, ears slightly drooping and all.

“That crack in your helmet,” they say casually, “is that why you could leave your camp.”

Feldspar slowly nods and comes to sit down beside him. They’re still looking at everything through that cracked helmet, afraid of what they’ll look like when they take it off.

“It was a bad crash. I patched up what I could and it lasted a bit, but it couldn’t hold forever.”

Gabbro nods quietly. “How’d you survive? You didn’t have any supplies left.”

Feldspar grimaces. “Well, ha, funny story, there are these centipede things…”

“Oof.”

“Yeah,” they mutter, shaking their head. “Yeah.”

“You felt like skin and bones when I pulled you onto the ship. There’s artificial gravity here…can you stand?”

“Maybe,” Feldspar shrugs. “But probably not for very long. I just…I can’t be seen yet.”

“I gotcha. Let me just check something real quick and I’ll come up with a plan.”

While Gabbro runs off Feldspar has a little time to sit and think about their predicament. They never thought this day would come, and now that it’s here they can’t stand being seen again. What would they all say if they saw him? What would Kent say, Lapis? They’d let them down, and for what? For one more thrill?

Gabbro returns, and this time it’s with a companion.

“Esker.”

Esker’s head appears first as they float on up, followed by the rest of their body.

“I had to see it for myself,” they say, pulling off their hat and kneeling next to them. There are tears running down their cheeks from all four eyes. “Feldspar. I can’t believe you’re alive. Stars, we’d buried you, we made a tombstone for you and all…”

Esker goes to give Feldspar a hug, but Gabbro’s hand stops them. “They’re real fragile, Esker.”

Their old friend sits down beside them, shoulder to shoulder, and asks some very gentle questions. So gentle that Feldspar finds themselves answering without thought, giving Esker the awful truth of their predicament and how they’d expected to die alone. Esker listens, eyes still watery, but tries to keep the tears to themselves for what Feldspar can only assume is for their sake.

“Well, buddy,” Esker finally says, “Gabbro here tells me there’s a room we can take you to for recovery. No one has to see you yet.”

“Thank you,” Feldspar exhales.

“But…we’re going to tell Kent and Lapis. They have the right to know.”

Feldspar sucks in a sharp breath. “When I’m settled and Gneiss is able to see me first. I’m…I smell awful. Seriously, you don’t want to get too close. And I’m gonna need Gneiss to check me over.”

Esker laughs quietly. “Sure, sure. That’s not too much to ask.”

And true to their word, Esker and Gabbro haul Feldspar up to their feet and quietly usher them inside the vessel, slinking underneath the crowds of Hearthians either sitting numbly in shock or outwardly crying. It hurts Feldspar’s heart.

[videointhenoise]

Kent holds Lapis for a long while until Lapis pulls back and cups his face. "It's okay, Dad. I'm okay now. We're - everything is weird, but we're all together. And that's as far as I've ever gotten."

Esker and Gabbro come and find Kent later where he's been sitting. "Hey Kent," Gabbro says and Kent smiles sadly at the familiar voice.

"Hey kid."

"We - uh. We've got something to show you."

Kent hadn't forgotten about Feldspar, but he assumed that something had happened. Maybe Lapis had been wrong. Maybe they'd been unable to get him. Maybe - a thousand different maybes. He doesn't know.

But he isn't thinking of that as he stands up to follow, Gabbro taking his arm and leading him over the unfamiliar terrain.

[getfeldsparred]

Gneiss doesn’t flinch when they remove Feldspar’s helmet, they don’t gag or wince when peeling them out of their flight suit and bathing them, they don’t cry as they slide the clean shirt over their head and stare as it hangs off of them like drapes. But they do embrace Feldspar, who stares vacantly at the dark shadows in the corner of the room and raises a hand for an exhausted touch to their shoulder. It’s all they can manage.

They lie down on the soft blanket Gneiss spread on the floor for them and sleep fretfully, listening as Gneiss quietly speaks to Esker about the resources they were able to bring.

“…some medicines, seeds to grow herbs. I didn’t realize they’d be here…”

“No one really thought they were alive,” comes Esker’s voice. “Except Kent and Lapis, anyway.”

They sleep for a while after that, rousing when they hear a soft knock at the door. Gneiss stops playing their banjo and rises to slide open the door. “Come in. They’re awake.”

[videointhenoise]

"It's Feldspar," Gabbro says softly. "They're just behind the door and - they're real rough, Kent. Like...years of starving and living by themselves rough."

Kent nods and Lapis takes Gabbro's hand briefly. "Hey, I can - come back later, okay? Dad needs to be by himself for it."

Gabbro nods and they open the door and Kent smells the sharp tang of antiseptic along with herbs he knows are meant for healing. He steps open and Gneiss reaches out for his hand, squeezing it hard.

"Felds?" he asks, swallowing hard.

[getfeldsparred]

Gneiss gets them upright and goes to greet Kent, bringing him down to where Feldspar is sitting on the floor. They put Kent’s hand into Feldspar’s, squeezing gently before sitting back. “I’ll be just by the door.”

Feldspar’s mouth goes dry at the sight of him. The light is dim, but they can see the grays in his hair, the stubble on his face, the lines around his eyes and mouth. He’s gotten older, but he’s no less beautiful.

“Kent.” Their voice is a harsh whisper, caught in his throat and struggling to escape. “It’s…me.”

[videointhenoise]

He kneels down and is grateful for Gneiss for giving them privacy. He takes their hand, his fingers trembling as he struggles with feelings he doesn't quite understand. He buried Feldspar. They had a funeral.

He shudders at how fragile they feel, how skeletal their hand is. "I know," he says and the tears fall freely from his eyes.

[getfeldsparred]

The pads of Feldspar’s fingers find Kent’s cheeks, catching the tears on one side as they fall.

Kent’s real. This is really real. It’s not a hallucination - there’d been times they thought Kent was there with them - but Kent actually in front of them now.

“Not what I imagined our reunion would be. The ship’s a surprise.”

[videointhenoise]

Gabbro had warned Kent to be careful, that they were fragile, that everything was different. But he leans into that touch and he cries and he doesn't bother covering it up. They feel like a ghost and Kent...he can't handle it.

"I imagined it a thousand times," Kent says. "I...I thought about it, dreamed about it. Even when everyone said I shouldn't."

[getfeldsparred]

So Kent had thought they’d died. It makes sense. It makes sense they’d all lost hope for finding them.

They pull back and their chin drops to their chest, their tears falling just as freely as Kent’s.

“I don’t think this is real,” they admit, voice hoarse. “I’ve hallucinated this before.”

[videointhenoise]

Kent breathes out, bringing their fingers to kiss. "One time, I went to New York City and went all the way to the top of the skyscraper. I could hear the chopper because there was really bad traffic...or maybe a robber."

He smiles a little. "Does your hallucination know how to talk Earth gibberish?"

[getfeldsparred]

“I listened more than I let on.” But the touch of Kent’s lips to their fingers isn’t something they’d ever hallucinated before. Maybe they’ve finally died. That would make sense, Gabbro flying through the Dark Bramble talking about time loops, the sun exploding, the alien ship.

They pull their hand back. “Maybe I never made it out of the Dark Bramble.”

[videointhenoise]

He's abruptly alone again and he frowns. "Baby..." he says softly, reaching out gently for him. "What happened there?"

[getfeldsparred]

They don’t pull away again, but they do flinch when Kent tries to touch them again.

This isn’t right. Hallucination or not, they can’t let the facade slip. They can see what they’re doing to Kent - what they’ve already done to him - and shake their head softly.

“Nothing I couldn’t handle,” they tell him. “It just all feels like a dream still. And I missed you and Lapis so much.”

[videointhenoise]

"Alright."

He doesn't push. He can't. Not now. "I won't ask. You need to rest, alright?"

[getfeldsparred]

They appreciate that Kent won’t ask. They’re not ready, and the thought of having to relive it, if only through telling the story of the crash, makes them jittery.

“Can I see the hatchling?”

The. Not ‘our’. They don’t even realize their mistake.

[videointhenoise]

Kent notices it but he doesn't let any dismay show.

This is going to be a process, and he's here for the long haul.

"They're just outside. Do you want me to bring them in?" he wonders, pushing himself to standing.

[getfeldsparred]

“Please do,” they say, zero hesitation in their voice. They need to ask them about a few things - mainly what the hell did they mean by ‘the loops’, how did they know about the sun, how did they even do all of this-

There are too many unknowns, and Feldspar can’t concentrate on the man in front of them with their brain still jumbled up. They do stare at him for a minute though, as though Kent might finally disappear again.

[videointhenoise]

He nods and feels his way to the door, his hand on the wall. He opens it and Lapis glances in, staring at Feldspar with a longing sort of expression for a moment before they walk inside and take their Dad's hand. "Stay, Dad? Okay? I'm sure you have questions, too."

They settle down in front of Feldspar, helping their Dad to the floor without falling.

[getfeldsparred]

Feldspar stays perfectly still as Lapis helps their dad down onto the floor. They look up at their strapping hatchling with ancient, tired eyes, their own gaze hollow.

“I heard a little of what you said to Gabbro,” they say, voice little more with a whisper but still confident. “How did the loop start? How many times did you find me?”

[videointhenoise]

Lapis thinks a moment. "A dozen or so. I stopped after a while because you never remembered. But sometimes I spent the entire loop with you," they explain.

[getfeldsparred]

Lapis is right, they don’t remember, not a damn thing. They had company how many times and can’t remember any of those moments?

They wonder what they were like. Were they still energetic enough to be excited by the sight of their hatching as a full blown astronaut? They’ll never know.

“How did it start? With the death of the sun?”

[videointhenoise]

Lapis pauses. "It started - yeah. With the sun going supernova and creating enough energy that it caused old Nomai technology to activate."

Kent lets out a breath. "They had been chasing the Eye of the Universe," he fills in gently. He's memorized Lapis' story.