Kent/Feldspar

[videointhenoise]

"Just once more," they had said when Ellie's team petitioned for it. She was busy with Palmer, falling in love with science while he fell in love with God, and Kent was left to pick up the pieces. He wanted another damn go at it. The Machine had a pricetag in the billions; it was begging to be used again.

But they wouldn't let Ellie go. They wouldn't let just anyone go. They wanted someone who knew how it worked, who had been there from the beginning, but someone who isn't completely taken in by Ellie's words.

That leads them to a dozen people and they end up with Kent. He's blind, but that's not what decides it. They claim that he wouldn't hallucinate the way Ellie did. That he has a unique perspective.

And, he's already proven himself steady and loyal.

He experiences it all the way that Ellie does, but something goes wrong on the other end. Maybe another terrorist attack. Maybe not. All he knows is that he's in the sphere and then, suddenly, he's floating, unable to find his footing until a great crash and he slams into the bottom of the machine.

He groans, pulling his helmet on with a grunt and a wince.

"Fuck this," he mutters, finding the edge of the sphere with his hands. There was a door there somewhere. He just - has to find it.

Comments

[videointhenoise]

Kent pretends that thought hadn't occurred to him.

"Maybe," he agrees gently. "Why do you think they need an excuse?"

[getfeldsparred]

They look back at him incredulously. “I may have brain damage, but I’m not an idiot. I know what you’re doing.”

Feldspar turns and swings their legs over the side of the bed, putting the little box onto Kent’s lap as they climb up to their feet. “And I know why they’re finding excuses to see me.”

[videointhenoise]

He reaches out to try and take their wrist. "Hey. I know you're not an idiot. Come here. I'm sorry."

[getfeldsparred]

Kent’s fingers circle around their wrist and Feldspar stops trying to walk away, but they don’t allow themselves to be pulled back in. Not yet. They’re still annoyed, a little at Kent, but mostly with themselves.

“I’m avoiding everyone and you know it. You don’t have to dance around it.”

[videointhenoise]

"I know, baby. I know. It's fucking terrifying. I don't know if I'd have the strength to do it myself."

To face the people he'd left behind. Ellie, who he had betrayed for a real adventure with aliens.

He wouldn't have the courage for it, and he's asking Feldspar for more than he thinks he could give.

[getfeldsparred]

Terrifying, yeah, that’s exactly the right word for it. They’re terrified for so many reasons.

“You said they were still telling stories about me around the campfire. Going back to them - I could only disappoint them, Kent. I’m not the person they remembered.”

[videointhenoise]

Kent toys with the little puzzle box in his lap.

"They're not the people you remember, either. And you don't need to tell stories. They've mostly been bothering Lapis about it now anyway."

[getfeldsparred]

“It’s not about…”

Feldspar trails off and then clamps their mouth shut.

“Never mind, Kent. I think I might try to go for a walk.”

[videointhenoise]

He stands up but doesn't follow. He just slips out of his shirt. "Alright. I'll be here."

It's late and he wants to sleep. He never stopped loving or trusting Feldspar, after all.

[getfeldsparred]

They should feel relief that Kent doesn’t press them any further, but they don’t. They feel worse, in fact, and it doesn’t help that can’t help but stand there and stare as Kent starts to undress.

Feldspar forces themselves to turn away and head to the door. “I’ll be back,” they mumble, clumsily sliding the door open to slip into the dark hallway.

The vessel is in the midst of its night cycle, and as they step out onto the bridge and hop onto the scaffolding that extends out over the river. In the distance there are a few fires still going, and the sound of a soft banjo.

[videointhenoise]

Kent curls up in the bed, equally miserable but too heartsick to get up. He thinks he's doing the right thing. Letting them go. Not smothering them.

But Lapis has other ideas. They're away from the crowd of the fires, watching from afar. They spot movement and see Feldspar, raising a hand in greeting.

[getfeldsparred]

Feldspar sees the movement before they realize who’s behind it, and they pause in their step with a soft frown. There’s nothing up this way; why are they sitting by themselves? “What are you doing out here? The fires are down there.”

[videointhenoise]

"I like watching them," they tell Feldspar and move over to make room. "I like listening to them. But sometimes it's just - too much, you know?"

[getfeldsparred]

Feldspar hesitates, something they never used to do in their old life, before joining Lapis on the mossy rock next to the water.

“Yeah,” they mutter quietly. “I know.”

It was that way even before they left for that final trip.

[videointhenoise]

Lapis has collected a few rocks in hand and skips one across the rapids.

They offer another quietly to Feldspar.

[getfeldsparred]

Feldspar takes the flat stone and turns it about in their fingers. It’s strange - it’s only just now that they’ve realized how far away they’ve been from things like stone and water.

They don’t try to skip it, instead opting for tossing the stone casually into the water below.

[videointhenoise]

Lapis watches them. "You and Dad fighting?" he wonders.

There had been times in their young hatchling life, when Feldspar and Kent would argue over something or other.

They remember that with a little worry.

[getfeldsparred]

Feldspar freezes, then their shoulders and head fall in shame. Poor Lapis, of course they’re feeling caught in the middle of all of them. They move a little closer to the hatchling, now a good head taller than them, and put their arm around their back.

“No, we’re not fighting, pebble. Your dad’s just worried about me.”

[videointhenoise]

They lean against him with a sigh of something like relief. "Of course he is. He's been worried forever."

[getfeldsparred]

Lapis may be bigger and possibly stronger than they are, but they still try to shoulder most of their weight as they lean on them.

The exhale through their nose as they listen to the banjo and soft flute in the distance, “What was it like when I was gone for you and your dad?”

[videointhenoise]

Kent told them stories. Lapis knows that. So they try and tell Feldspar the truth.

"It was bad. He stayed at the radio for weeks. Hal and I were still going between houses, then. But we didn't go to Dad's because he never came home."

They breathe in. "And when he did, he let me and Hal sleep in the bigger bed and he stayed in mine. He didn't sleep. And when they eventually decided to have a funeral...he didn't come. He and Hornfels really got into it about that."

[getfeldsparred]

As painful as it is to hear, Feldspar knows it a lot more accurate picture than the one Kent painted for them. He’s said he never believed they were dead, but the truth is the long nights on the radio and the refusal to move on was damaging to him. And Feldspar did that to them, the person they loved beyond measure. They tormented him because they couldn’t keep their feet on the ground.

“Everyone else was more realistic about it,” they say quietly. “Your dad’s told me that he never moved on, but that doesn’t come without a price. I was gone…”

They trail off, sitting back slightly to look Lapis up and down. “Hatchling, you’ve been in the Dark Bramble a hundred times, you know how the time in there works. Or doesn’t, I guess. How many years was I gone?”

[videointhenoise]

They don't hate Feldspar for what happened. A part of them is inside of Lapis, too, and they know it. That need to get out and explore...that's Feldspar.

But they watched their dad go through it for years, and they know exactly how long.

"Seven years," he says softly.

[getfeldsparred]

Feldspar leans back on their arms and stares up towards the circling river overhead. Seven long years. Hatchings and deaths and sap wine ceremonies and launches and all that life in between.

“I never thought I’d come back. I think…I must have told you that during one of those loops.”

[videointhenoise]

"It doesn't matter," they assure them. "You're telling me now and that's more important." They nudge him gently with their shoulder. "But you didn't come back. Not really. We all went...somewhere else together."

They let out a breath. "Do you want to see something?"