Kent/Feldspar

[videointhenoise]

"Just once more," they had said when Ellie's team petitioned for it. She was busy with Palmer, falling in love with science while he fell in love with God, and Kent was left to pick up the pieces. He wanted another damn go at it. The Machine had a pricetag in the billions; it was begging to be used again.

But they wouldn't let Ellie go. They wouldn't let just anyone go. They wanted someone who knew how it worked, who had been there from the beginning, but someone who isn't completely taken in by Ellie's words.

That leads them to a dozen people and they end up with Kent. He's blind, but that's not what decides it. They claim that he wouldn't hallucinate the way Ellie did. That he has a unique perspective.

And, he's already proven himself steady and loyal.

He experiences it all the way that Ellie does, but something goes wrong on the other end. Maybe another terrorist attack. Maybe not. All he knows is that he's in the sphere and then, suddenly, he's floating, unable to find his footing until a great crash and he slams into the bottom of the machine.

He groans, pulling his helmet on with a grunt and a wince.

"Fuck this," he mutters, finding the edge of the sphere with his hands. There was a door there somewhere. He just - has to find it.

Comments

[getfeldsparred]

Whoops - probably should have looked out for that rock. Still new at all of this, but he makes a concerned effort to focus on the path and keeping Kent safe.

"There's no accounting for good taste," Feldspar says with a sage nod. "Religion sounds like what the old Hearthians believed in, once upon a time."

[videointhenoise]

It's dark and it was a small rock. Kent is most definitely not paying attention to where his feet go. "I think every civilization has to go through that phase," he explains. "Some grow out of it. Some don't."

[getfeldsparred]

"It probably helps that there aren't too many of us...and maybe knowing about aliens at the start of everything. It makes the universe seem a lot smaller and tangible."

[videointhenoise]

He smiles as the sound of the waterfall gets louder, as they get closer to the little cabin. "Yeah, it does. I'm - interested in seeing how close we are. Or how far."

[getfeldsparred]

“I’m interested to hear more about your solar system.” And hopefully they’re not too far away from Kent’s home world, but Feldspar knows it’s a slim chance.

“We’re here. Come on, I’ll take you up the stairs.”

[videointhenoise]

He nods, following him up the stairs. He's counted them already, fortunately enough, so he's able to let go once they've reached the top. "I can take it from here, I think," he says, though he finds that letting go of him is harder than he thought it would be.

[getfeldsparred]

Feldspar doesn’t really want to let go. They can’t remember the last time they’ve been this touchy with someone - maybe Gossan or Slate, but never to this degree. It’s kind of nice.

But they do step back, wanting to make sure Kent has their autonomy.

“Alright. Do you want me to…I dunno, come get you in the morning? Bring you breakfast?”

[videointhenoise]

"No," he answers honestly. "But if you can show me how to make it or where to get it, I'd like that."

He refuses to be a burden.

[getfeldsparred]

The no makes them feel a little rejected, but they have to think a moment before they understand the sentiment behind it.

“Or I could bring things and we could make it together, if that works too,” they suggest.

[videointhenoise]

Kent brightens considerably. "I'd like that. Bring something easy, though. I'm not a great chef."

[getfeldsparred]

Feldspar feels themselves grinning again. “I’m not either. Definitely something simple.”

They step back a little, arms moving behind their back. “Well. Goodnight, I guess. Try and rest up.”

[videointhenoise]

Kent laughs softly. "Goodnight, Feldspar," he tells him, slowly making his way over to the rustic little bed, sitting on the edge so he can take off his shoes and try to sleep.

[getfeldsparred]

"Goodnight, Kent."

They wave a little before they realize how stupid that is and quickly shove their hands into their pockets to turn away and walk to their own little cabin. They whistle a little as they walk down the path, tired but excited still about all that they'd experienced this day.

Tomorrow will be a new one. Hopefully when they sleep they won't wake and it will have all been a dream.

[videointhenoise]

Kent waits until they're gone before he curls up in bed, smiling when the sound of the whistling comes to his ears.

He doesn't sleep for a while, but when he does, he sleeps hard. The world falls away around him, and he dreams of being weightless and the sound of Ellie's voice.

He wakes quickly, with a gasp.

[getfeldsparred]

Timber Hearth mornings are typically peaceful. Some of the older Hearthians wake first, stoking fires and starting on their day's work, the hatchlings bounding out of their shared cabin to play games of chase and splash around in the water, a banjo in the distance being plucked. The birds chirp and the waterfall gurgles and churns outside of Kent's windows, the smell of carefully-tended fires and something roasting floating into the cabin.

Feldspar has things to do later that day, but they want to keep their promise to Kent and comes by with a basket full of ingredients to make a meal.

[videointhenoise]

When he wakes up, he wasn't sure where he was. The world around him is - quiet. For a moment, he can fool himself into thinking that he's back in the rainforest, the sound of the waterfall soothing him to sleep.

But that dream doesn't last long. He remembers where he is and the fear finally hits him. The grief. The anguish. It hits him all at once and he sucks in a breath.

Feldspar will find Kent on his knees on the floor, bent over as if in pain.

[getfeldsparred]

Feldspar knocks and waits, because this is civilized society so they don’t just barge in wherever they like. Out of sheer curiosity they peer in through one of the windows, thinking maybe Kent had moved to another room and didn’t hear the knock, and sees the huddled form on the floor. It takes a couple of beats before they realize what the form actually is - Kent. Oh no, oh no no no

Forget being polite - they push their shoulder into the door as they twist the knob and practically fall into the cabin, basket by the door as they stumble towards him.

“Kent, Kent, are you okay! You’re not sick, are you?”

Feldspar kneels on the floor by him, hand raising tentatively before they gently set it onto his back. No, Kent’s not sick, but he isn’t well.

[videointhenoise]

Kent hears them coming and quickly reaches up to rub at his face. "Shit, sorry...sorry. I'm alright. I'm not sick. I - just...woke up and this wasn't a dream and I'm never going home."

He laughs at the absurdity of it. "I knew that might happen, but I - I guess I didn't really realize it until this morning."

He leans into their touch.

[getfeldsparred]

They were right, this is worse than being ill. Kent’s realized that he’s never going home, he’ll never see his friends or family again, his people, his community. These aren’t even his stars.

Feldspar’s at a loss for how to comfort him, as though anything they could really say would make a difference. The grief has to come; it’d be weird if it didn’t.

“You needed some time for it to sink in,” they say quietly, hand still on his back. Again they think about if they were in Kent’s shoes - the excitement of something new wouldn’t diminish the fact that they wouldn’t have anything to connect them to that world.

“I’m sorry. Maybe…there’s still a way for you to get home.”

[videointhenoise]

"Maybe," he murmurs, but he doesn't know. His people don't have the technology.

"I'm- I'm okay." He turns and holds fast to their arm. "I just - it needed to happen. I think. I - damn."

The grief is subsiding, and he knows that it will leave him. He knows that he can't let it overwhelm him or he will drown.

[getfeldsparred]

Maybe. There’s always a maybe. The universe is too vast and filled with so much unknown that they can’t close the book on getting Kent back home.

If there’s a way maybe Feldspar will find it with the Nomai technology out there. They traveled to this solar system - maybe they can lead the way back out of it.

“You definitely did need to let it all out,” they agree quietly. “You were holding it together yesterday, and it was…it was a lot. I know it must have been.”

[videointhenoise]

He laughs, sitting back and leaning heavily against them. "My parents died when I was a kid. I was an only child. No real other family. The only person i had was Ellie and she - she would have wanted me here. Experiencing this."

He steels himself with that.

"But - I am more than lucky to have landed there. With you," he tells them.

[getfeldsparred]

They don’t mind propping him up with their smaller form - those ropy muscles from training are finally coming in handy - but they are concerned for Kent. That makes it all worse, doesn’t it? That he only had Ellie and now Ellie’s not here with him?

‘You’, meaning the Hearthians, Feldspar assumes, and they can’t disagree. Despite all their little flaws the village is tightly-knit and loving, and while they don’t know much about any other alien civilization, they can guess theirs might be the most welcoming to an outsider.

“Odds are astronomical you’d find us, pun intended,” they chuckle. “I’m glad you did. It feels kind of like you’re supposed to be here.”

And they’d take care of him, for as long as he stayed. If he lets them in he’ll never be lonely or without a friend.

[videointhenoise]

"No," Kent says, shaking his head. "You, Feldspar. You damn fighter pilot." He smiles, coming down from the panic, feeling silly for it, though he knows it was justified.

"I spent my life listening to washing machines, just to hear the patterns in the noise. Now I think I can actually do something with that. I think that - if I can keep that in mind, it isn't so frightening."

[getfeldsparred]

Feldspar goes quiet for a moment, but doesn’t try to pull away from Kent or move back. They’re thoughtful - the others were already thinking about how this newcomer might be an asset to the village, Hornfels especially. If Kent finds purpose here then maybe he won’t feel so alone.

“You can join Outer Wilds Ventures. Hornfels would be excited to have another scientist around, and Gossan already likes how sensible you are.”

They sit up a little straighter - the more they think on the idea, the more excited they start to feel about it.

“I mean, you’re already an astronaut. That’s more experience in space than some of us.”