Kent/Feldspar

[videointhenoise]

"Just once more," they had said when Ellie's team petitioned for it. She was busy with Palmer, falling in love with science while he fell in love with God, and Kent was left to pick up the pieces. He wanted another damn go at it. The Machine had a pricetag in the billions; it was begging to be used again.

But they wouldn't let Ellie go. They wouldn't let just anyone go. They wanted someone who knew how it worked, who had been there from the beginning, but someone who isn't completely taken in by Ellie's words.

That leads them to a dozen people and they end up with Kent. He's blind, but that's not what decides it. They claim that he wouldn't hallucinate the way Ellie did. That he has a unique perspective.

And, he's already proven himself steady and loyal.

He experiences it all the way that Ellie does, but something goes wrong on the other end. Maybe another terrorist attack. Maybe not. All he knows is that he's in the sphere and then, suddenly, he's floating, unable to find his footing until a great crash and he slams into the bottom of the machine.

He groans, pulling his helmet on with a grunt and a wince.

"Fuck this," he mutters, finding the edge of the sphere with his hands. There was a door there somewhere. He just - has to find it.

Comments

[getfeldsparred]

Buried them. It makes sense. Feldspar imagines Hornfels, Slate and Gossan spent forever debating whether to call off the search for them or keep going.

They’re glad they buried them. The search couldn’t have continued forever, and what if someone got hurt or even died because of them?

“I’m sorry I made you go through that. I really am, Kent.”

[videointhenoise]

"Baby."

He holds a hand out, not knowing is Felds will let him take theirs. "I'm sorry you had to endure it."

For all his overwhelming grief, he had support.

[getfeldsparred]

Feldspar does stare at Kent’s hand for a long beat or two before they finally take it, frowning as they run their large thumb over his delicate knuckles.

Older, yes, his knuckles more work and brown from the sun, but still so foreign and so, so pretty.

“When I was younger I always assumed that’s probably how I’d go,” they admit quietly. “Some accident out in the vastness of space. I still did even when I met you…I knew what I was like, the things I needed to chase to feel fulfilled. But I didn’t think it was gonna that way when I left for Giant’s Deep that morning. I thought I’d be back.”

They take a slow, pained breath in. “Used to just wander all the time without worrying. Then I went to the Bramble, and when I crashed this time there was no getting out. I really thought that was how I was gonna spend the rest of my life, y’know? Trapped in the mouth of an anglerfish with only my harmonica for company, and you’d never find out what happened to me.”

[videointhenoise]

He nods. "I know," he says because he does. He knows what Feldspar is like and he never doubted that he wanted that grand adventure. Kent loved him for that.

"Nothing is going to take that away."

[getfeldsparred]

Feldspar tips their head forward, still cling to Kent’s hand but no longer able to look at his face.

“How long was it before you realized I wasn’t coming home?”

[videointhenoise]

"Never," he says softly, admitting it only to him. "I always had hope. I had nothing but hope sometimes."

[getfeldsparred]

“That’s so much worse.”

They bring their free hand up to rub at their head, feeling scars that are new to them now that they’re without their helmet for the first time in years.

“I didn’t realize how long I’d be gone until I saw Lapis. Time’s…fucked up in the Bramble. No day or night. In stasis but always kinda changing.”

[videointhenoise]

He puts a hand on his arm.

"Why didn't you...end it?" he mutters and the thought makes him sick.

[getfeldsparred]

Feldspar, who is nothing but skin and bones, manages to not jerk themselves away by reminding themselves that it’s been his touch they’ve been missing.

“I dunno,” they say quietly. “Guess cuz that ain’t something I’d ever do. Feldspar the Great and all, all I do is fight and survive despite overwhelming odds, right?”

They fall quiet.

“It was kinda peaceful after a while too. Once you resign yourself to living the rest of your life in isolation, it ain’t so bad. And maybe…maybe a clever pilot might find me one day. A better pilot than me.”

[videointhenoise]

"They did," he reminds them. "Lapis. Who became a pilot because of you. Who loves you. Who - wanted to he just like you," he reminds them.

[getfeldsparred]

Lapis. It was Lapis who found them deep in the Dark Bramble, even if they can’t remember it. It was Lapis that found this place now; it was Lapis who saved them all.

“Who’s a better pilot and Hearthian than me,” Feldspar tells him sincerely, and with more than a little pride in their voice. “Best there ever was.”

[videointhenoise]

"Because you raised them. Because you love them."

He breathes out.

[getfeldsparred]

“I do.”

Their vision starts to blur around the edges. Damn it, they’re crying again.

“Do…they still love me?”

[videointhenoise]

"Of course they do," he says and he pulls them into another embrace. "What a stupid question."

He knows it isn't. It just...is.

[getfeldsparred]

Is a stupid question really? Lapis was young when they disappeared, and knowing what they probably did about their crash landing how could they not feel abandoned?

“Do you still love me?”

They don’t feel like that’s a stupid question either.

[videointhenoise]

He doesn't hesitate.

"Every moment of every day," he responds, breathless with the thought that Feldspar might have doubted it.

"I never moved on from you. I never wanted to. It has always been you. I feel like...like my whole damn life

[getfeldsparred]

They feel like they’ve been punched in the gut. Never moved on, never stopped loving them even though they disappeared for years without a trace. They’d felt like they’d been in stasis all this time, but time kept moving on for Kent and Lapis.

“All this time…all this time and you don’t hate me.”

[videointhenoise]

"No," he answers softly. "But you've had years and years to convince yourself that you did," he says hesitantly.

[getfeldsparred]

Well of course they hate themselves. Hard not to after spending years doing nothing but reflecting.

“Maybe,” they say quietly, “but what else was I going to do? All I had were my own thoughts.”

[videointhenoise]

"I know," he answers and his voice is soft. Gentle. "I know that you - have been through so much. But we're together now. And I'm not leaving you."

[getfeldsparred]

Feldspar exhales slowly, leaning forward until their forehead touches his shoulder. They stay like that for a minute.

They don’t know who they are anymore or their place with the other Hearthians, but it might not matter in this place. Nothing like that will matter.

They pick their head up. “Will you kiss me?”

[videointhenoise]

"Yeah," he breathes, and muscle memory leads him down to kiss them, slow and sweet and gentle.

[getfeldsparred]

Their lips are cold and still as Kent leans down to touch them together, unsure if the kiss will wake them up and let them feel again like they were hoping. It takes a second and then Feldspar gasps against his mouth and deepens the kiss.

[videointhenoise]

Kent cups their face as they kiss, his hands slowly dangling down their back.

[getfeldsparred]

They move their arms to drape over his shoulders, still broad and strong where their limbs had shriveled to nothing, turning their head slightly to interlock their lips better. Kent’s nose brushes against their heavily-scarred cheek and they shudder.