Kent/Feldspar

[videointhenoise]

"Just once more," they had said when Ellie's team petitioned for it. She was busy with Palmer, falling in love with science while he fell in love with God, and Kent was left to pick up the pieces. He wanted another damn go at it. The Machine had a pricetag in the billions; it was begging to be used again.

But they wouldn't let Ellie go. They wouldn't let just anyone go. They wanted someone who knew how it worked, who had been there from the beginning, but someone who isn't completely taken in by Ellie's words.

That leads them to a dozen people and they end up with Kent. He's blind, but that's not what decides it. They claim that he wouldn't hallucinate the way Ellie did. That he has a unique perspective.

And, he's already proven himself steady and loyal.

He experiences it all the way that Ellie does, but something goes wrong on the other end. Maybe another terrorist attack. Maybe not. All he knows is that he's in the sphere and then, suddenly, he's floating, unable to find his footing until a great crash and he slams into the bottom of the machine.

He groans, pulling his helmet on with a grunt and a wince.

"Fuck this," he mutters, finding the edge of the sphere with his hands. There was a door there somewhere. He just - has to find it.

Comments

[getfeldsparred]

Feldspar doesn’t hear him. They don’t hear the door open or the pitch of panic in Gneiss’ voice, that same voice that would sing to them when they were just a hatching. They let out one more cry of agony before their body collapses completely, last reserve of energy finally spent as yet another Hearthian barges into the room.

It’s Lapis, who had clearly been in the middle of something as they shrug off their jetpack and run to the bed.

“What’s going on?”

Feldspar can see the worry in their eyes.

[videointhenoise]

"It's alright," Kent insists and he can hear his own voice cracking like ice along the shore. He sucks in a breath, trembling, and holds them tight against his chest. "It's alright. It's just - " It's been years. Years and years of being alone.

[getfeldsparred]

“Everything’s catching up to them,” Gneiss offers quietly, still waiting by the door with their hands clasped together tightly.

Whether they mean just Feldspar or both Feldspar and Kent is left ambiguous.

Feldspar finds they can’t even bring themselves to reassure Lapis. They’ve all been half dead and alone for what felt like years.

[videointhenoise]

Kent, however, can. He reaches back with one hand, searching for his child's hand. And when he feels them give it to him, he squeezes it gently and pulls them close. "Come here," he tells them softly. "It's alright."

[getfeldsparred]

Despite their inability to speak, Feldspar raises a shaky hand and places it on Lapis’s arm. They close their eyes and stay still, chest rising and falling with their shallow breaths.

These are the only people who have seen Feldspar so vulnerable, and even then they knew they’d been cocky and insufferably brave around Lapis and Kent still.

[videointhenoise]

He gently lies them back down and curls up beside them this time.

"You're alright," Kent murmurs softly. "Or - you will be. One day."

[getfeldsparred]

Lapis pulls back and sits on the edge of the bed. Feldspar can feel their eyes still on them, moving back and forth between themselves and Kent.

“It’s hard to admit when you need help,” they say quietly. “You spent a long time fighting. You don’t have to fight here, y’know?”

Feldspar exhales in response, and then finally nods.

[videointhenoise]

Kent nods. "We're here. We're all here for you," he assures them. "You're back home, with the people who love you."

[getfeldsparred]

But maybe they don’t love them anymore. Maybe they’re unloveable now that they’ll never be able to fly.

But Lapis and Kent’s words are so soothing, and their embrace is so warm, and they nod again.

“I need to sleep again,” they say tiredly.

[videointhenoise]

Kent puts a hand on their shoulder.

"Go ahead," he says softly. "I'll be here when you wake up again."

[getfeldsparred]

They don’t wait for anymore permission than that and quickly fall into a deep sleep. There isn’t any tossing or turning or moaning, no fevers, just stillness.

They dream of tall trees on Brittle Hollow and cyclones picking up their broken ship and tossing them aside. The dream shifts and they’re dipping their feet in the water while Kent sits beside them resting Lapis on his knee. The waterfall is loud and Spinel is singing their terrible fishing song while Gneiss plucks at the strings of a banjo. Kent says something and they both laugh so hard that Kent nearly drops Lapis, Feldspar quickly reaching out to catch the little hatchling.

It might have been a memory. It might not have. Either way, for the first time in a long while Feldspar wakes with a smile on their face.

[videointhenoise]

Kent sleeps a while but it's not a deep sleep. He wakes on every small noise, every movement, but he's - relieved to see that Feldspar seems to have calmed down.

He hears them stir in the morning and he sits up a little. "Hey Felds... you awake?"

[getfeldsparred]

Felds. Maybe Kent called them that earlier, but it didn’t really register. They smile softly and turns to look at him.

“Yeah, I am. Did you stay with me all night?”

[videointhenoise]

"Course I did," he mutters, reaching up to rub at his eyes. "My place is right here with you. That didn't change."

[getfeldsparred]

Feldspar glances away from Kent to look around the room, finding it empty except the two of them. Lapis must not have stayed, but that makes sense. They’re not a hatchling anymore.

They missed all those years of their life.

“I should try to show my face today.”

[videointhenoise]

"You can if you want," he says. "Or you can spend one more day with me. Really with me..."

Talking or sitting or actually addressing those fears.

[getfeldsparred]

Really with him. It’s a terrifying prospect, and Feldspar holds their tongue for a moment.

They missed him. They thought about him every day. The least they could do was try to engage with him instead of pretending nothing was wrong and then having a complete screaming breakdown.

“Yeah, we could do that too,” they say, taking his hand.

[videointhenoise]

He smiles gratefully and moves into the chair, his fingers threading through his hair. "I just - want to be with you. I've missed you."

An understatement.

[getfeldsparred]

“I missed you too.”

Also an understatement. They kept fighting to stay alive so long was partially from their own stubbornness to outlive the damn anglerfish, but mostly because this is what they owed Kent. Their life wasn’t their own; it hadn’t been for years.

“I never thought I’d see you again.”

[videointhenoise]

He lets out a soft breath. "We - buried you. Well, the village did. I couldn't go. I didn't."

[getfeldsparred]

Buried them. It makes sense. Feldspar imagines Hornfels, Slate and Gossan spent forever debating whether to call off the search for them or keep going.

They’re glad they buried them. The search couldn’t have continued forever, and what if someone got hurt or even died because of them?

“I’m sorry I made you go through that. I really am, Kent.”

[videointhenoise]

"Baby."

He holds a hand out, not knowing is Felds will let him take theirs. "I'm sorry you had to endure it."

For all his overwhelming grief, he had support.

[getfeldsparred]

Feldspar does stare at Kent’s hand for a long beat or two before they finally take it, frowning as they run their large thumb over his delicate knuckles.

Older, yes, his knuckles more work and brown from the sun, but still so foreign and so, so pretty.

“When I was younger I always assumed that’s probably how I’d go,” they admit quietly. “Some accident out in the vastness of space. I still did even when I met you…I knew what I was like, the things I needed to chase to feel fulfilled. But I didn’t think it was gonna that way when I left for Giant’s Deep that morning. I thought I’d be back.”

They take a slow, pained breath in. “Used to just wander all the time without worrying. Then I went to the Bramble, and when I crashed this time there was no getting out. I really thought that was how I was gonna spend the rest of my life, y’know? Trapped in the mouth of an anglerfish with only my harmonica for company, and you’d never find out what happened to me.”

[videointhenoise]

He nods. "I know," he says because he does. He knows what Feldspar is like and he never doubted that he wanted that grand adventure. Kent loved him for that.

"Nothing is going to take that away."

[getfeldsparred]

Feldspar tips their head forward, still cling to Kent’s hand but no longer able to look at his face.

“How long was it before you realized I wasn’t coming home?”