Kent/Feldspar

[videointhenoise]

"Just once more," they had said when Ellie's team petitioned for it. She was busy with Palmer, falling in love with science while he fell in love with God, and Kent was left to pick up the pieces. He wanted another damn go at it. The Machine had a pricetag in the billions; it was begging to be used again.

But they wouldn't let Ellie go. They wouldn't let just anyone go. They wanted someone who knew how it worked, who had been there from the beginning, but someone who isn't completely taken in by Ellie's words.

That leads them to a dozen people and they end up with Kent. He's blind, but that's not what decides it. They claim that he wouldn't hallucinate the way Ellie did. That he has a unique perspective.

And, he's already proven himself steady and loyal.

He experiences it all the way that Ellie does, but something goes wrong on the other end. Maybe another terrorist attack. Maybe not. All he knows is that he's in the sphere and then, suddenly, he's floating, unable to find his footing until a great crash and he slams into the bottom of the machine.

He groans, pulling his helmet on with a grunt and a wince.

"Fuck this," he mutters, finding the edge of the sphere with his hands. There was a door there somewhere. He just - has to find it.

Comments

[videointhenoise]

"Oh don't worry. I'm not going anywhere," he whispers to them and finds his chair again, large as it is.

[getfeldsparred]

Gneiss stands up when they’re through tending to Feldspar and nods. “I’ll bring you something to eat, and a blanket.”

They figure Kent’s be camping out in this room for a while.

[videointhenoise]

He makes himself comfortable in the chair and nods, thanking them with a sigh as he leans over and rests his head on the bed beside Feldspar.

[getfeldsparred]

Feldspar sleeps off and on for the next few days, or what passes for days on the ship, sweating and groaning through the fevers until they finally seem to break for good. Though weak they wake with a start, grabbing at their head in search of their helmet. Their breath quickens and they start to panic, not understanding where their camp in the jaws of the anglerfish went.

[videointhenoise]

Kent can hear the panic in their breath and he sits up, his hands on the bed. He hasn't left their side since they went to bed and he found himself staying up to just tell them stories as they sleep. Sometimes Lapis comes and holds his hand through the hours and sometimes Kent feels just so tragically alone. But either way, he stays.

"Hey," he says softly. "You're awake. You're alright."

[getfeldsparred]

“Kent?”

Feldspar blinks in disbelief, reaching out to grab one of his hands in both of theirs.

“What are you doing here? How did you-”

But then they remember. They remember the days running into each other and catching condensation from pine needles and eating the bugs they’d caught. They remember the crash and the screech of the anglerfish.

A son catches in their throat, and then a scream. It all comes racing back to them, all the loneliness and guilt and horror, and they sob and yell and shiver, everything hitting them all at once.

[videointhenoise]

Kent flinches just once and then he's crawling onto the bed immediately, his arms around Feldspar to hold them firmly but without suffocating them. He just wants to protect them from whatever it is that's going on in their mind.

[getfeldsparred]

Feldspar can’t stop themselves, making noises they don’t even realize are coming out of their own body. They claw at their ears and their face, their body they haven’t fully seen in years. They sob and moan and lose their breath only to choke and start breathing once again.

They don’t even realize that Kent is there holding them, not at first, but then they start to lean against him, body calming enough to accept the embrace.

The door opens and Gneiss rushes into the room. “They can hear them. The others. I couldn’t lie to them anymore.”

[videointhenoise]

He holds them tightly. "It's alright," he tells Gneiss. "They can know. They can't see them yet but they can know. Its' alright."

And he doesn't know who he's talking to anymore.

[getfeldsparred]

Feldspar doesn’t hear him. They don’t hear the door open or the pitch of panic in Gneiss’ voice, that same voice that would sing to them when they were just a hatching. They let out one more cry of agony before their body collapses completely, last reserve of energy finally spent as yet another Hearthian barges into the room.

It’s Lapis, who had clearly been in the middle of something as they shrug off their jetpack and run to the bed.

“What’s going on?”

Feldspar can see the worry in their eyes.

[videointhenoise]

"It's alright," Kent insists and he can hear his own voice cracking like ice along the shore. He sucks in a breath, trembling, and holds them tight against his chest. "It's alright. It's just - " It's been years. Years and years of being alone.

[getfeldsparred]

“Everything’s catching up to them,” Gneiss offers quietly, still waiting by the door with their hands clasped together tightly.

Whether they mean just Feldspar or both Feldspar and Kent is left ambiguous.

Feldspar finds they can’t even bring themselves to reassure Lapis. They’ve all been half dead and alone for what felt like years.

[videointhenoise]

Kent, however, can. He reaches back with one hand, searching for his child's hand. And when he feels them give it to him, he squeezes it gently and pulls them close. "Come here," he tells them softly. "It's alright."

[getfeldsparred]

Despite their inability to speak, Feldspar raises a shaky hand and places it on Lapis’s arm. They close their eyes and stay still, chest rising and falling with their shallow breaths.

These are the only people who have seen Feldspar so vulnerable, and even then they knew they’d been cocky and insufferably brave around Lapis and Kent still.

[videointhenoise]

He gently lies them back down and curls up beside them this time.

"You're alright," Kent murmurs softly. "Or - you will be. One day."

[getfeldsparred]

Lapis pulls back and sits on the edge of the bed. Feldspar can feel their eyes still on them, moving back and forth between themselves and Kent.

“It’s hard to admit when you need help,” they say quietly. “You spent a long time fighting. You don’t have to fight here, y’know?”

Feldspar exhales in response, and then finally nods.

[videointhenoise]

Kent nods. "We're here. We're all here for you," he assures them. "You're back home, with the people who love you."

[getfeldsparred]

But maybe they don’t love them anymore. Maybe they’re unloveable now that they’ll never be able to fly.

But Lapis and Kent’s words are so soothing, and their embrace is so warm, and they nod again.

“I need to sleep again,” they say tiredly.

[videointhenoise]

Kent puts a hand on their shoulder.

"Go ahead," he says softly. "I'll be here when you wake up again."

[getfeldsparred]

They don’t wait for anymore permission than that and quickly fall into a deep sleep. There isn’t any tossing or turning or moaning, no fevers, just stillness.

They dream of tall trees on Brittle Hollow and cyclones picking up their broken ship and tossing them aside. The dream shifts and they’re dipping their feet in the water while Kent sits beside them resting Lapis on his knee. The waterfall is loud and Spinel is singing their terrible fishing song while Gneiss plucks at the strings of a banjo. Kent says something and they both laugh so hard that Kent nearly drops Lapis, Feldspar quickly reaching out to catch the little hatchling.

It might have been a memory. It might not have. Either way, for the first time in a long while Feldspar wakes with a smile on their face.

[videointhenoise]

Kent sleeps a while but it's not a deep sleep. He wakes on every small noise, every movement, but he's - relieved to see that Feldspar seems to have calmed down.

He hears them stir in the morning and he sits up a little. "Hey Felds... you awake?"

[getfeldsparred]

Felds. Maybe Kent called them that earlier, but it didn’t really register. They smile softly and turns to look at him.

“Yeah, I am. Did you stay with me all night?”

[videointhenoise]

"Course I did," he mutters, reaching up to rub at his eyes. "My place is right here with you. That didn't change."

[getfeldsparred]

Feldspar glances away from Kent to look around the room, finding it empty except the two of them. Lapis must not have stayed, but that makes sense. They’re not a hatchling anymore.

They missed all those years of their life.

“I should try to show my face today.”

[videointhenoise]

"You can if you want," he says. "Or you can spend one more day with me. Really with me..."

Talking or sitting or actually addressing those fears.