Kent/Feldspar

[videointhenoise]

"Just once more," they had said when Ellie's team petitioned for it. She was busy with Palmer, falling in love with science while he fell in love with God, and Kent was left to pick up the pieces. He wanted another damn go at it. The Machine had a pricetag in the billions; it was begging to be used again.

But they wouldn't let Ellie go. They wouldn't let just anyone go. They wanted someone who knew how it worked, who had been there from the beginning, but someone who isn't completely taken in by Ellie's words.

That leads them to a dozen people and they end up with Kent. He's blind, but that's not what decides it. They claim that he wouldn't hallucinate the way Ellie did. That he has a unique perspective.

And, he's already proven himself steady and loyal.

He experiences it all the way that Ellie does, but something goes wrong on the other end. Maybe another terrorist attack. Maybe not. All he knows is that he's in the sphere and then, suddenly, he's floating, unable to find his footing until a great crash and he slams into the bottom of the machine.

He groans, pulling his helmet on with a grunt and a wince.

"Fuck this," he mutters, finding the edge of the sphere with his hands. There was a door there somewhere. He just - has to find it.

Comments

[getfeldsparred]

Feldspar waits for a long while in Gabbro’s ship, long enough that Gabbro themselves comes back in and sits down on the floor next to the hatch. They pull off their helmet with a low hissing noise, and for the first time Feldspar can see just how many years passed. Gabbro had just had their wine sap ceremony when they left, and now they’re a full-blown adult, ears slightly drooping and all.

“That crack in your helmet,” they say casually, “is that why you could leave your camp.”

Feldspar slowly nods and comes to sit down beside him. They’re still looking at everything through that cracked helmet, afraid of what they’ll look like when they take it off.

“It was a bad crash. I patched up what I could and it lasted a bit, but it couldn’t hold forever.”

Gabbro nods quietly. “How’d you survive? You didn’t have any supplies left.”

Feldspar grimaces. “Well, ha, funny story, there are these centipede things…”

“Oof.”

“Yeah,” they mutter, shaking their head. “Yeah.”

“You felt like skin and bones when I pulled you onto the ship. There’s artificial gravity here…can you stand?”

“Maybe,” Feldspar shrugs. “But probably not for very long. I just…I can’t be seen yet.”

“I gotcha. Let me just check something real quick and I’ll come up with a plan.”

While Gabbro runs off Feldspar has a little time to sit and think about their predicament. They never thought this day would come, and now that it’s here they can’t stand being seen again. What would they all say if they saw him? What would Kent say, Lapis? They’d let them down, and for what? For one more thrill?

Gabbro returns, and this time it’s with a companion.

“Esker.”

Esker’s head appears first as they float on up, followed by the rest of their body.

“I had to see it for myself,” they say, pulling off their hat and kneeling next to them. There are tears running down their cheeks from all four eyes. “Feldspar. I can’t believe you’re alive. Stars, we’d buried you, we made a tombstone for you and all…”

Esker goes to give Feldspar a hug, but Gabbro’s hand stops them. “They’re real fragile, Esker.”

Their old friend sits down beside them, shoulder to shoulder, and asks some very gentle questions. So gentle that Feldspar finds themselves answering without thought, giving Esker the awful truth of their predicament and how they’d expected to die alone. Esker listens, eyes still watery, but tries to keep the tears to themselves for what Feldspar can only assume is for their sake.

“Well, buddy,” Esker finally says, “Gabbro here tells me there’s a room we can take you to for recovery. No one has to see you yet.”

“Thank you,” Feldspar exhales.

“But…we’re going to tell Kent and Lapis. They have the right to know.”

Feldspar sucks in a sharp breath. “When I’m settled and Gneiss is able to see me first. I’m…I smell awful. Seriously, you don’t want to get too close. And I’m gonna need Gneiss to check me over.”

Esker laughs quietly. “Sure, sure. That’s not too much to ask.”

And true to their word, Esker and Gabbro haul Feldspar up to their feet and quietly usher them inside the vessel, slinking underneath the crowds of Hearthians either sitting numbly in shock or outwardly crying. It hurts Feldspar’s heart.

[videointhenoise]

Kent holds Lapis for a long while until Lapis pulls back and cups his face. "It's okay, Dad. I'm okay now. We're - everything is weird, but we're all together. And that's as far as I've ever gotten."

Esker and Gabbro come and find Kent later where he's been sitting. "Hey Kent," Gabbro says and Kent smiles sadly at the familiar voice.

"Hey kid."

"We - uh. We've got something to show you."

Kent hadn't forgotten about Feldspar, but he assumed that something had happened. Maybe Lapis had been wrong. Maybe they'd been unable to get him. Maybe - a thousand different maybes. He doesn't know.

But he isn't thinking of that as he stands up to follow, Gabbro taking his arm and leading him over the unfamiliar terrain.

[getfeldsparred]

Gneiss doesn’t flinch when they remove Feldspar’s helmet, they don’t gag or wince when peeling them out of their flight suit and bathing them, they don’t cry as they slide the clean shirt over their head and stare as it hangs off of them like drapes. But they do embrace Feldspar, who stares vacantly at the dark shadows in the corner of the room and raises a hand for an exhausted touch to their shoulder. It’s all they can manage.

They lie down on the soft blanket Gneiss spread on the floor for them and sleep fretfully, listening as Gneiss quietly speaks to Esker about the resources they were able to bring.

“…some medicines, seeds to grow herbs. I didn’t realize they’d be here…”

“No one really thought they were alive,” comes Esker’s voice. “Except Kent and Lapis, anyway.”

They sleep for a while after that, rousing when they hear a soft knock at the door. Gneiss stops playing their banjo and rises to slide open the door. “Come in. They’re awake.”

[videointhenoise]

"It's Feldspar," Gabbro says softly. "They're just behind the door and - they're real rough, Kent. Like...years of starving and living by themselves rough."

Kent nods and Lapis takes Gabbro's hand briefly. "Hey, I can - come back later, okay? Dad needs to be by himself for it."

Gabbro nods and they open the door and Kent smells the sharp tang of antiseptic along with herbs he knows are meant for healing. He steps open and Gneiss reaches out for his hand, squeezing it hard.

"Felds?" he asks, swallowing hard.

[getfeldsparred]

Gneiss gets them upright and goes to greet Kent, bringing him down to where Feldspar is sitting on the floor. They put Kent’s hand into Feldspar’s, squeezing gently before sitting back. “I’ll be just by the door.”

Feldspar’s mouth goes dry at the sight of him. The light is dim, but they can see the grays in his hair, the stubble on his face, the lines around his eyes and mouth. He’s gotten older, but he’s no less beautiful.

“Kent.” Their voice is a harsh whisper, caught in his throat and struggling to escape. “It’s…me.”

[videointhenoise]

He kneels down and is grateful for Gneiss for giving them privacy. He takes their hand, his fingers trembling as he struggles with feelings he doesn't quite understand. He buried Feldspar. They had a funeral.

He shudders at how fragile they feel, how skeletal their hand is. "I know," he says and the tears fall freely from his eyes.

[getfeldsparred]

The pads of Feldspar’s fingers find Kent’s cheeks, catching the tears on one side as they fall.

Kent’s real. This is really real. It’s not a hallucination - there’d been times they thought Kent was there with them - but Kent actually in front of them now.

“Not what I imagined our reunion would be. The ship’s a surprise.”

[videointhenoise]

Gabbro had warned Kent to be careful, that they were fragile, that everything was different. But he leans into that touch and he cries and he doesn't bother covering it up. They feel like a ghost and Kent...he can't handle it.

"I imagined it a thousand times," Kent says. "I...I thought about it, dreamed about it. Even when everyone said I shouldn't."

[getfeldsparred]

So Kent had thought they’d died. It makes sense. It makes sense they’d all lost hope for finding them.

They pull back and their chin drops to their chest, their tears falling just as freely as Kent’s.

“I don’t think this is real,” they admit, voice hoarse. “I’ve hallucinated this before.”

[videointhenoise]

Kent breathes out, bringing their fingers to kiss. "One time, I went to New York City and went all the way to the top of the skyscraper. I could hear the chopper because there was really bad traffic...or maybe a robber."

He smiles a little. "Does your hallucination know how to talk Earth gibberish?"

[getfeldsparred]

“I listened more than I let on.” But the touch of Kent’s lips to their fingers isn’t something they’d ever hallucinated before. Maybe they’ve finally died. That would make sense, Gabbro flying through the Dark Bramble talking about time loops, the sun exploding, the alien ship.

They pull their hand back. “Maybe I never made it out of the Dark Bramble.”

[videointhenoise]

He's abruptly alone again and he frowns. "Baby..." he says softly, reaching out gently for him. "What happened there?"

[getfeldsparred]

They don’t pull away again, but they do flinch when Kent tries to touch them again.

This isn’t right. Hallucination or not, they can’t let the facade slip. They can see what they’re doing to Kent - what they’ve already done to him - and shake their head softly.

“Nothing I couldn’t handle,” they tell him. “It just all feels like a dream still. And I missed you and Lapis so much.”

[videointhenoise]

"Alright."

He doesn't push. He can't. Not now. "I won't ask. You need to rest, alright?"

[getfeldsparred]

They appreciate that Kent won’t ask. They’re not ready, and the thought of having to relive it, if only through telling the story of the crash, makes them jittery.

“Can I see the hatchling?”

The. Not ‘our’. They don’t even realize their mistake.

[videointhenoise]

Kent notices it but he doesn't let any dismay show.

This is going to be a process, and he's here for the long haul.

"They're just outside. Do you want me to bring them in?" he wonders, pushing himself to standing.

[getfeldsparred]

“Please do,” they say, zero hesitation in their voice. They need to ask them about a few things - mainly what the hell did they mean by ‘the loops’, how did they know about the sun, how did they even do all of this-

There are too many unknowns, and Feldspar can’t concentrate on the man in front of them with their brain still jumbled up. They do stare at him for a minute though, as though Kent might finally disappear again.

[videointhenoise]

He nods and feels his way to the door, his hand on the wall. He opens it and Lapis glances in, staring at Feldspar with a longing sort of expression for a moment before they walk inside and take their Dad's hand. "Stay, Dad? Okay? I'm sure you have questions, too."

They settle down in front of Feldspar, helping their Dad to the floor without falling.

[getfeldsparred]

Feldspar stays perfectly still as Lapis helps their dad down onto the floor. They look up at their strapping hatchling with ancient, tired eyes, their own gaze hollow.

“I heard a little of what you said to Gabbro,” they say, voice little more with a whisper but still confident. “How did the loop start? How many times did you find me?”

[videointhenoise]

Lapis thinks a moment. "A dozen or so. I stopped after a while because you never remembered. But sometimes I spent the entire loop with you," they explain.

[getfeldsparred]

Lapis is right, they don’t remember, not a damn thing. They had company how many times and can’t remember any of those moments?

They wonder what they were like. Were they still energetic enough to be excited by the sight of their hatching as a full blown astronaut? They’ll never know.

“How did it start? With the death of the sun?”

[videointhenoise]

Lapis pauses. "It started - yeah. With the sun going supernova and creating enough energy that it caused old Nomai technology to activate."

Kent lets out a breath. "They had been chasing the Eye of the Universe," he fills in gently. He's memorized Lapis' story.

[getfeldsparred]

The loops being connected to the Nomai makes sense - they’d been as powerful as they were mysterious efen in those early days.

“And what’s the Eye of the Universe?”

Any Nomai writing translation had come way after their time.

[videointhenoise]

"Um...that's a little more complicated. It is a way for a new universe to be created," they explain. "It's quantum. Like the quantum moon."

[getfeldsparred]

Feldspar makes a face, clearly still not understanding.

“That Nomai mural you brought back from the Attlerock, with the intricate symbol. You found it at an observatory that tracked the locations of all the other planets in the solar system.”

They nod; that much tracks.

“That symbol was the Eye of the Universe. It sent out a signal that the Nomai intercepted, essentially bringing them to our solar system. They were trapped in the Dark Bramble, but two escape pods managed to get free. That’s how they settled our sun system.”

“Okay,” Feldspar says slowly. “But…what is it? It brought a whole alien civilization to our doorstep.”

“Two, actually,” Lapis says, grinning lopsidedly. “Yeah, uh. It predates the universe. I guess it’s…the start and end of all things.”