Kent/Feldspar

[videointhenoise]

"Just once more," they had said when Ellie's team petitioned for it. She was busy with Palmer, falling in love with science while he fell in love with God, and Kent was left to pick up the pieces. He wanted another damn go at it. The Machine had a pricetag in the billions; it was begging to be used again.

But they wouldn't let Ellie go. They wouldn't let just anyone go. They wanted someone who knew how it worked, who had been there from the beginning, but someone who isn't completely taken in by Ellie's words.

That leads them to a dozen people and they end up with Kent. He's blind, but that's not what decides it. They claim that he wouldn't hallucinate the way Ellie did. That he has a unique perspective.

And, he's already proven himself steady and loyal.

He experiences it all the way that Ellie does, but something goes wrong on the other end. Maybe another terrorist attack. Maybe not. All he knows is that he's in the sphere and then, suddenly, he's floating, unable to find his footing until a great crash and he slams into the bottom of the machine.

He groans, pulling his helmet on with a grunt and a wince.

"Fuck this," he mutters, finding the edge of the sphere with his hands. There was a door there somewhere. He just - has to find it.

Comments

[getfeldsparred]

Timber Hearth mornings are typically peaceful. Some of the older Hearthians wake first, stoking fires and starting on their day's work, the hatchlings bounding out of their shared cabin to play games of chase and splash around in the water, a banjo in the distance being plucked. The birds chirp and the waterfall gurgles and churns outside of Kent's windows, the smell of carefully-tended fires and something roasting floating into the cabin.

Feldspar has things to do later that day, but they want to keep their promise to Kent and comes by with a basket full of ingredients to make a meal.

[videointhenoise]

When he wakes up, he wasn't sure where he was. The world around him is - quiet. For a moment, he can fool himself into thinking that he's back in the rainforest, the sound of the waterfall soothing him to sleep.

But that dream doesn't last long. He remembers where he is and the fear finally hits him. The grief. The anguish. It hits him all at once and he sucks in a breath.

Feldspar will find Kent on his knees on the floor, bent over as if in pain.

[getfeldsparred]

Feldspar knocks and waits, because this is civilized society so they don’t just barge in wherever they like. Out of sheer curiosity they peer in through one of the windows, thinking maybe Kent had moved to another room and didn’t hear the knock, and sees the huddled form on the floor. It takes a couple of beats before they realize what the form actually is - Kent. Oh no, oh no no no

Forget being polite - they push their shoulder into the door as they twist the knob and practically fall into the cabin, basket by the door as they stumble towards him.

“Kent, Kent, are you okay! You’re not sick, are you?”

Feldspar kneels on the floor by him, hand raising tentatively before they gently set it onto his back. No, Kent’s not sick, but he isn’t well.

[videointhenoise]

Kent hears them coming and quickly reaches up to rub at his face. "Shit, sorry...sorry. I'm alright. I'm not sick. I - just...woke up and this wasn't a dream and I'm never going home."

He laughs at the absurdity of it. "I knew that might happen, but I - I guess I didn't really realize it until this morning."

He leans into their touch.

[getfeldsparred]

They were right, this is worse than being ill. Kent’s realized that he’s never going home, he’ll never see his friends or family again, his people, his community. These aren’t even his stars.

Feldspar’s at a loss for how to comfort him, as though anything they could really say would make a difference. The grief has to come; it’d be weird if it didn’t.

“You needed some time for it to sink in,” they say quietly, hand still on his back. Again they think about if they were in Kent’s shoes - the excitement of something new wouldn’t diminish the fact that they wouldn’t have anything to connect them to that world.

“I’m sorry. Maybe…there’s still a way for you to get home.”

[videointhenoise]

"Maybe," he murmurs, but he doesn't know. His people don't have the technology.

"I'm- I'm okay." He turns and holds fast to their arm. "I just - it needed to happen. I think. I - damn."

The grief is subsiding, and he knows that it will leave him. He knows that he can't let it overwhelm him or he will drown.

[getfeldsparred]

Maybe. There’s always a maybe. The universe is too vast and filled with so much unknown that they can’t close the book on getting Kent back home.

If there’s a way maybe Feldspar will find it with the Nomai technology out there. They traveled to this solar system - maybe they can lead the way back out of it.

“You definitely did need to let it all out,” they agree quietly. “You were holding it together yesterday, and it was…it was a lot. I know it must have been.”

[videointhenoise]

He laughs, sitting back and leaning heavily against them. "My parents died when I was a kid. I was an only child. No real other family. The only person i had was Ellie and she - she would have wanted me here. Experiencing this."

He steels himself with that.

"But - I am more than lucky to have landed there. With you," he tells them.

[getfeldsparred]

They don’t mind propping him up with their smaller form - those ropy muscles from training are finally coming in handy - but they are concerned for Kent. That makes it all worse, doesn’t it? That he only had Ellie and now Ellie’s not here with him?

‘You’, meaning the Hearthians, Feldspar assumes, and they can’t disagree. Despite all their little flaws the village is tightly-knit and loving, and while they don’t know much about any other alien civilization, they can guess theirs might be the most welcoming to an outsider.

“Odds are astronomical you’d find us, pun intended,” they chuckle. “I’m glad you did. It feels kind of like you’re supposed to be here.”

And they’d take care of him, for as long as he stayed. If he lets them in he’ll never be lonely or without a friend.

[videointhenoise]

"No," Kent says, shaking his head. "You, Feldspar. You damn fighter pilot." He smiles, coming down from the panic, feeling silly for it, though he knows it was justified.

"I spent my life listening to washing machines, just to hear the patterns in the noise. Now I think I can actually do something with that. I think that - if I can keep that in mind, it isn't so frightening."

[getfeldsparred]

Feldspar goes quiet for a moment, but doesn’t try to pull away from Kent or move back. They’re thoughtful - the others were already thinking about how this newcomer might be an asset to the village, Hornfels especially. If Kent finds purpose here then maybe he won’t feel so alone.

“You can join Outer Wilds Ventures. Hornfels would be excited to have another scientist around, and Gossan already likes how sensible you are.”

They sit up a little straighter - the more they think on the idea, the more excited they start to feel about it.

“I mean, you’re already an astronaut. That’s more experience in space than some of us.”

[videointhenoise]

And if he does that, then he can also search for a way home.

It's - well, not perfect, but Kent isn't searching for perfection. "I'd like that," he tells them truthfully. "Closer to a possible way home and closer to helping you all. I don't see any downside, but hey...what do I know?"

A blind joke. Kent is feeling better.

"Alright, did you spill all of the food or do we get to eat?"

[getfeldsparred]

It takes them a second before they start to laugh. That’s the kind of joke they might make - it’s nice that the extraterrestrial that happened to land in their solar system has a decent sense of humor!

“We can eat! I’ve got some stuff for us to make a decent breakfast.”

They hop to their feet and reaches for Kent’s hand to yank him back up.

“Nothing complicated. You must be hungry.”

[videointhenoise]

Kent yelps as they pull him up and he laughs with them. "Well, at this point, I'd eat anything, so it's kind of cheating, isn't it?"

But he's already feeling better. He has a plan. A goal.

That helps.

"Hey Feldspar. Do your people shower? Or am I supposed to run naked into that waterfall?" he laughs.

[getfeldsparred]

“You could, but the fish will bite your bottom!”

They grin at him and walk back to fetch the basket of bread and jam and fruit and various other good things.

“There’s a shower in the back of the cabin, with the restroom. I assume your species might need that as well, right?”

[videointhenoise]

"Fortunately for you and everyone else, I did. Took me a minute to figure out how to work it. We have - slightly different anatomies."

He smiles to himself as he hums and moves to the counter of what he assumes is the kitchen.

[getfeldsparred]

“But you do still have a bottom, right?”

They need to know. For science. They twist slightly and crane their neck to see if they can spot anything underneath Kent’s trousers.

[videointhenoise]

"Everything that has a top, has a bottom," he remarks, leaning forward. "Is that something of note here? The bottom?"

[getfeldsparred]

“I mean…”

Feldspar might have spent their later hatchling years staring at Slate’s ass or at Marl’s - equal opportunity gazer, they are.

“It’s not not of note,” they chuckle, very definitely looking at Kent’s bottom now. Small, but shapely.

What is underneath all those clothes? They can’t help but be curious; it’s in their nature, after all.

“I’ll show you the shower and you can have a wash while I make toast.”

[videointhenoise]

He chuckles, cheeks turning a little pink. He finds himself here, not even a full day, laughing with an alien (no, Kent is the alien, he reminds himself) about their various erogenous zones.

"Thanks," he laughs. "Toast? Jesus...we have toast."

[getfeldsparred]

“Good, so I don’t have to explain to you what toast is,” they grin. Yeah, the overlap is strange, but what’s more strange - the fact that they share similar foods, or that he’s here in the first place?

They notice that their cheeks are turning a different shade, sort of a reddish-pinkish color.

It’s pretty.

“Come on, this way.” They take Kent’s arm to bring him to the bathroom area in the back of the cabin, the part with the shower enclosed in a large, wooden room that also acts like a sauna.

[videointhenoise]

Kent takes their arm and follows, walking through the different ways of getting water, the earthen cleansing gels and smiles as he realizes that he probably needs his own for his much different skin and hair. Still, the water is nice and he's eager to hop in.

"I think I've got it," he tells them.

[getfeldsparred]

It’s an interesting time, trying to explain things that are so basic to a Hearthian in a way for another species entirely. Fortunately a lot of it does translate, and they raise their arms and duck out of the bathroom when Kent is comfortable operating everything.

Toast calls. Feldspar makes it with a bit of smoked fish on the side, then comes to check on Kent.

“I’ve left some clothes by the door!” they call to them. They hope it fits.

[videointhenoise]

Kent stays in the water for a lot longer than he anticipated. He cleans himself and grabs the clothes, trying not to let himself get sucked back down into That Place. It's keeping him sane, keeping him grounded.

He puts on the rough hewn clothes, tying the pants up around his waist with a length of rope.

"You'll tell me if I look ridiculous, won't you?" he calls out as he steps back into the main room.

[getfeldsparred]

Feldspar likes to think of themself as an honest Hearthian. If someone looked ridiculous then they were going to tell them they looked ridiculous, though of course in a careful way. They’re not a monster. But staring at Kent the Alien, looking at them in a Hearthian shirt and pants, they can safely say they don’t look ridiculous at all.

“I would, but you don’t. You look great!”