Kent/Feldspar

[videointhenoise]

"Just once more," they had said when Ellie's team petitioned for it. She was busy with Palmer, falling in love with science while he fell in love with God, and Kent was left to pick up the pieces. He wanted another damn go at it. The Machine had a pricetag in the billions; it was begging to be used again.

But they wouldn't let Ellie go. They wouldn't let just anyone go. They wanted someone who knew how it worked, who had been there from the beginning, but someone who isn't completely taken in by Ellie's words.

That leads them to a dozen people and they end up with Kent. He's blind, but that's not what decides it. They claim that he wouldn't hallucinate the way Ellie did. That he has a unique perspective.

And, he's already proven himself steady and loyal.

He experiences it all the way that Ellie does, but something goes wrong on the other end. Maybe another terrorist attack. Maybe not. All he knows is that he's in the sphere and then, suddenly, he's floating, unable to find his footing until a great crash and he slams into the bottom of the machine.

He groans, pulling his helmet on with a grunt and a wince.

"Fuck this," he mutters, finding the edge of the sphere with his hands. There was a door there somewhere. He just - has to find it.

Comments

[getfeldsparred]

They exhale softly, glad that Kent understands. They’ll keep their word, but they just need time.

They just need so much time.

The next few days go by in the same way; Feldspar spends a little less time resting and a little more time moving about each and every day. They walk around with Kent, even spend a little time with their Outer Wilds friends, but they still don’t join the campfire.

“Porphy’s opening up the sapwine tonight,” Gossan tells them both on one of their visits. Besides Gneiss and Lapis, Gossan and Hornfels are the ones who visit the most, with Hornfels close to Kent and Gossan nearer to Feldspar.

“I dunno,” Feldspar says, shrugging his shoulders. “Seems like too much for me.”

Hornfels and Gossan’s faces both fall.

[videointhenoise]

Kent reaches over and puts a hand on Hornfel's arm. "Maybe next time," he says cheerfully, but he is determined to get to the bottom of this. He has spent the past few days glued to Feldspar, telling them stories and hoping that they would be able to start going back out. But no luck.

Still, he persists.

"I'll stop by later," he promises them both.

[getfeldsparred]

“Yeah, okay,” Gossan nods, slowly getting up to their feet. They touch Feldspar’s arm and shares a look with Hornfels before they start for the door.

“We’ve set up base in the control room across the river. The bridge is set up; Hal can bring you over,” Hornfels says just a little sadly.

[videointhenoise]

"It's alright," Kent mutters to them softly as he leads them out. "Don't worry."

But when he returns to Feldspar, he's thoughtful.

"So what's the story?"

[getfeldsparred]

As Hornfels and Gossan move to leave Feldspar picks up a little artifact that was probably for the hatchlings of this world, fiddling with it as Kent turns back to them.

“Story?” they repeat, “whaddya mean?”

[videointhenoise]

"About why you aren't going to the bonfires? Or even talking about it."

He sits on the bed.

[getfeldsparred]

They grimace a little but don’t stop fiddling with the odd little wooden contraption in their hands.

“I’m just not ready yet, that’s all.”

[videointhenoise]

Kent can hear them moving something and he frowns. "What is that?" he wonders.

[getfeldsparred]

“Not sure,” they say, squinting slightly as they raise the little wooden sculpture up towards the light. “An artifact from this world. Maybe a toy of some kind?”

[videointhenoise]

Kent holds his hand out. "May I?"

He can't see it, but he does want to be able to feel it.

[getfeldsparred]

They frown softly but place the little object into Kent’s hand. “There are some notches in it, like something on their might move or unlatch.”

[videointhenoise]

He runs his fingers along it, frowning in thought, so much that his forehead wrinkles a little.

"Maybe it's a toy or - oh, I found the hinge. Where did you find this?"

[getfeldsparred]

“Gneiss brought it to me.” They sit up and lean forward, watching Kent’s five fingers manipulate the box. “Thought I might like it.”

It’s a sweet gesture, the kind that makes them nostalgic for when they were a hatchling and Gneiss would bring them wood carvings they whittled into little toys for them. Gneiss probably did it on purpose, but Feldspar can’t be mad at them.

[videointhenoise]

Kent holds it back out for them to take. "It gives you something new to do. Something new to think about while still being, I don't know, the same? Familiar?"

[getfeldsparred]

They nod and take the little box back, fiddling with the latch until a side swings out. It doesn’t reveal a secret compartment inside, just more box. “Yeah, maybe.”

Feldspar sighs and sets the little trinket aside. “Or maybe they just missed me and wanted an excuse to visit,” they admit quietly.

[videointhenoise]

Kent pretends that thought hadn't occurred to him.

"Maybe," he agrees gently. "Why do you think they need an excuse?"

[getfeldsparred]

They look back at him incredulously. “I may have brain damage, but I’m not an idiot. I know what you’re doing.”

Feldspar turns and swings their legs over the side of the bed, putting the little box onto Kent’s lap as they climb up to their feet. “And I know why they’re finding excuses to see me.”

[videointhenoise]

He reaches out to try and take their wrist. "Hey. I know you're not an idiot. Come here. I'm sorry."

[getfeldsparred]

Kent’s fingers circle around their wrist and Feldspar stops trying to walk away, but they don’t allow themselves to be pulled back in. Not yet. They’re still annoyed, a little at Kent, but mostly with themselves.

“I’m avoiding everyone and you know it. You don’t have to dance around it.”

[videointhenoise]

"I know, baby. I know. It's fucking terrifying. I don't know if I'd have the strength to do it myself."

To face the people he'd left behind. Ellie, who he had betrayed for a real adventure with aliens.

He wouldn't have the courage for it, and he's asking Feldspar for more than he thinks he could give.

[getfeldsparred]

Terrifying, yeah, that’s exactly the right word for it. They’re terrified for so many reasons.

“You said they were still telling stories about me around the campfire. Going back to them - I could only disappoint them, Kent. I’m not the person they remembered.”

[videointhenoise]

Kent toys with the little puzzle box in his lap.

"They're not the people you remember, either. And you don't need to tell stories. They've mostly been bothering Lapis about it now anyway."

[getfeldsparred]

“It’s not about…”

Feldspar trails off and then clamps their mouth shut.

“Never mind, Kent. I think I might try to go for a walk.”

[videointhenoise]

He stands up but doesn't follow. He just slips out of his shirt. "Alright. I'll be here."

It's late and he wants to sleep. He never stopped loving or trusting Feldspar, after all.

[getfeldsparred]

They should feel relief that Kent doesn’t press them any further, but they don’t. They feel worse, in fact, and it doesn’t help that can’t help but stand there and stare as Kent starts to undress.

Feldspar forces themselves to turn away and head to the door. “I’ll be back,” they mumble, clumsily sliding the door open to slip into the dark hallway.

The vessel is in the midst of its night cycle, and as they step out onto the bridge and hop onto the scaffolding that extends out over the river. In the distance there are a few fires still going, and the sound of a soft banjo.