Kent/Feldspar

[videointhenoise]

"Just once more," they had said when Ellie's team petitioned for it. She was busy with Palmer, falling in love with science while he fell in love with God, and Kent was left to pick up the pieces. He wanted another damn go at it. The Machine had a pricetag in the billions; it was begging to be used again.

But they wouldn't let Ellie go. They wouldn't let just anyone go. They wanted someone who knew how it worked, who had been there from the beginning, but someone who isn't completely taken in by Ellie's words.

That leads them to a dozen people and they end up with Kent. He's blind, but that's not what decides it. They claim that he wouldn't hallucinate the way Ellie did. That he has a unique perspective.

And, he's already proven himself steady and loyal.

He experiences it all the way that Ellie does, but something goes wrong on the other end. Maybe another terrorist attack. Maybe not. All he knows is that he's in the sphere and then, suddenly, he's floating, unable to find his footing until a great crash and he slams into the bottom of the machine.

He groans, pulling his helmet on with a grunt and a wince.

"Fuck this," he mutters, finding the edge of the sphere with his hands. There was a door there somewhere. He just - has to find it.

Comments

[getfeldsparred]

At least something of their’s rubbed off on Lapis. They exhale softly and sit back, leaning their head back onto the wall behind them.

“But when I did it scared I was doing it for myself and no one else. Maybe the other Outer Wilds folks, but it wasn’t life or death - except for my own, anyway.” They grin a little crookedly, just a second or two.

“I’m selfish that way. Not you. If my wanderlust did any good before I disappeared, it was putting that sense of exploration in you.”

[videointhenoise]

"It's alright," he assures them softly. "You were selfish but - you always wanted that to mean something. Even if it was just how to ride the cyclones. But I wouldn't have made it as far as I did without your direct help, though..."

They turn and punch them gently in the arm. Not even nearly enough to do anything but glance off with barely a tap. They know they're fragile.

"That's for refusing to tell me how you got to the core of Giant's Deep."

[getfeldsparred]

Feldspar laughs, their breath rattling slightly in their chest. “It wouldn’t be any fun if you didn’t find it for yourself, you know. Did I give you any other hints along the way?”

[videointhenoise]

"Asshole," they mutter fondly. "And yeah. Some of the stuff you left was really helpful. I found some of your old notes and things."

[getfeldsparred]

“It’s why I left all that stuff,” they nod. Yes, that. And not because Hornfels was making them.

Well, that’s mostly not true, they did want others to come after them and enjoy the same mysteries and thrills.

“You’re a different Hearthian now,” they say after a moment. “It’s lonely, being different than who you once were. Nobody really understands what you went through.”

[videointhenoise]

"Yeah. It's why uh...well, it's why Gabbro and I got so close," they explain. "Since they were stuck in the loops. Sometimes, when it was really bad, I'd go to Giant's Deep and just sit with them. Well, as much as I could. Did you know they build a whole damn hammock there? And would just ride the islands?"

[getfeldsparred]

“Sounds like Gabbro.” They’d remembered when they first joined the program; Gabbro had fallen asleep in the Zero G Cave.

“But Gabbro isn’t Lapis. You wanted to get out there and see every inch of the star system.”

[videointhenoise]

"I did," they agree. "Did I tell you Gabbro lost their ship and didn't care? Just let it float out?"

They laugh, shaking their head. "What the fuck."

[getfeldsparred]

“Oh, Slate would be pissed if they knew!” Feldspar says with a cackle. “Did I ever tell you about the time one of the landing gears broke off because I scraped the ship against a mountain? Slate wanted to punch me in my very handsome face!”

[videointhenoise]

Lapis cackles. "They weren't going to know! And did you tell them about it? You should have said that they just fell off!"

[getfeldsparred]

“They were watching me when it happened! Usually I’m able to cover my mistakes better than that - not that the greatest Hearthian pilot ever had something to hide.”

[videointhenoise]

They give them a gentle nudge. "If it saved you a lecture from Slate, you would," he points out.

[getfeldsparred]

They smirk a little and lean back against the wall with a sigh. “Yeah, maybe. But that’s all ancient history now.”

They feel an ache in their chest, a realization that had been lingering in their thoughts and threatening to sink them entirely rising up to land on their tongue. “I don’t think I’ll be doing anything like that ever again.”

[videointhenoise]

Lapis frowns as the realization comes to them, too.

Fuck this whole thing.

"It may not be the same, but you can - do other things."

[getfeldsparred]

They nod softly. There’s that piece of them that they gave to Lapis, right there on their face.

“It’s hard for me to see that future. It’d be hard for me even if I had been found and dragged back to the crater by Gossan. I don’t want to be that center of attention; the big storyteller, the first Hearthian in space. I’ve been afraid of disappointing everyone.”

Feldspar tips their head up to look at Lapis. “But I see that I’m just old now, my time’s gone. And I can accept that. But you…you’re still just a hatchling. You’re supposed to have your whole life ahead of you.”

[videointhenoise]

"I've lived a whole life, Feldspar," they mutter, looking down at their hands. "At least, it feels like it. But I know what it's like for you. To go on these adventures and reduce the feeling down to a palatable story that we can tell to the others. The whole weight of the Hearthean culture is on my shoulders. If we don't fuel the love of the stars, then maybe - I don't know. Maybe that's the real end of all things."

They reach over to take their hand.

[getfeldsparred]

They laugh quietly, finally hearing the age in their hatchling’s voice. They lived lifetimes in those loops. “You’re as old as I am, huh? At least you got to keep your youth; I’m jealous.”

Feldspar tugs on their hand and brings them in for a tight hug. “Let the Hearthians decide what Hearthian culture is, pebble. You saved us. That’s enough weight on anyone’s shoulders, especially yours.”

[videointhenoise]

They lean into the embrace, surprised at how much they needed this.

"I don't know what to do, Feldspar," they mutter and, for the first time in a long time, they feel so very young.

[getfeldsparred]

They wish they could be better for the hatchling’s sake, or give an answer that wouldn’t sound so hollow or equally as lost.

“You’ve gotta rebuild with us, when you’re ready, and tell me and your dad what you went through. We can help with some of the burden, y’know.”

[videointhenoise]

They breathe out and nod once.

"Tomorrow," they promise. "Tomorrow, meet me in the same place. By the river."

[getfeldsparred]

“Alright.”

They don’t let go of them; in fact they start to hug them more tightly. Their hatchling. Their little hatchling. All the years they missed, all the happy moments and heart breaks - that day they decided to join Outer Wilds Ventures. They would have given anything to see that day.

“Hey.” They place a shaking hand to the back of Lapis’ head. “I’m proud of you.”

[videointhenoise]

Lapis is quiet for a single, shuddering breath, then starts to cry, pressing their face against Feldspar's shirt.

[getfeldsparred]

Just like when they were little and would fall and cut their knee, only now these sobs are anguished and broken. Feldspar tries to hold on as tightly as they can, feeling tears slip down their own cheeks as they rock their little hatchling.

“It’s gonna be okay, pebble, it’s gonna be okay.”

[videointhenoise]

"No it won't," they mutter to themselves. "It won't be okay because everything is - it's all terrible, I've died. I've died. And I've watched everyone else die a hundred times again and again and I felt like I was the last thing in the whole universe..."

[getfeldsparred]

“Because you kinda were.”

Feldspar sits back a little, bringing their hands to Lapis’ cheeks to brush the tears away and give them a fond little pinch, just like they used to do before they disappeared.

“All alone in the universe, I mean. Dying that many times and in what I can imagine were hundreds of different ways…you were an immortal, and all that fucked up stuff just stayed with you. It’s got nowhere else to go, and no one really can understand.

“Am I right?”